One day, Sade Cohen, 5, decided her sister Eva, 3, needed a haircut. Because the situation was urgent, there was no time to see a professional. Instead, Sade took matters into her own not-so-trusty hands, and disaster ensued.
Predictably, Sade chopped one side of Eva's coif considerably shorter than the other, but from the sound of things, the unevenness was distributed throughout. In fact, the chop was so terrible that their father, Jeff, a public radio reporter with WNPR Hartford, decided to interview his two mischievous youngsters to understand precisely how Operation Worst Haircut of All Time went down.
In a recording posted online last year, Sade and Eva come clean as Jeff grills them. The conversation garnered so much attention, it has since inspired a new children's book for HarperCollins, due next year.
And because it's adorable, we would also like to replay it for those who missed.
The story begins with the girls describing the process.
"Sade said, 'Do you want me to cut your hair?' And I said yes," Eva remarks, admitting her involvement was consensual.
Sade then gets into her methodology. "I climb up on the bathtub to get the scissors, the hair scissors, and I just kept cutting… [*Makes sounds of giant cuts]… And it was so, so hard to cut. I started at the bottom…[*Makes sounds of giant, frustrating cuts]… That's how I made the long piece and then the short piece."
Eva jumps in.
"Sade, were you not even looking?" the three-year-old asks.
Jeff, the investigator, takes it from there, cross-examining them both.
On why Eva needed a haircut in the first place:
Sade: "It was just about down to her tush. If she grew it any longer, when she wiped her butt she would, her hair would like go into the toilet. And it would be gross."
Eva: "I did not like how it was. It was almost down to my butt, and it was really itching my hips."
On whether or not Sade was the appropriate stylist.
Eva: "I really wanted a haircutter to cut it."
On discovering a tragedy was at hand:
Sade: "I put the scissors back and I looked at her, and I was like, 'Uh oh. This is bad, bad, bad.'" Eva: "I said, 'I got my haircut Mommy, isn't it nice?' And Mommy looked at it and said [*Makes sound of loud gasp]"
Sade: "I heard yelling, Eva crying. Sade! Eva! What were you thinking?"
On disposing of the fallen locks (aka evidence):
Sade: "I hid it under the radiator."
On the aftermath:
Sade: "I didn't know you were going to scream like that… haircutting, it takes a lot of concentration. I learned not to do it again."
Eva: "That was really, really terrible but everybody does that kind of stuff sometimes. It happens like once, or twice, or three times in every life."
On Eva's recovery look:
Sade: "It's pretty nice. I can't imagine her hair long anymore."