Here's how I plan to quit smoking. Would it work for you? on Shine

Every time I've ever tried to quit smoking, I have simply ground out the very last cigarette in my very last pack and then I was quit, and I didn't smoke again. Until I started smoking again. Sometimes a day later, or a week later or a month later, and a couple of times I managed more than a few months, a handful of them, a year or so. I have quit smoking for as many as four years, before taking it back up with enthusiasm and gusto. I have a lot of gusto, when it comes to smoking. And I always go back to it.

Take care of yourself! Why you should cut stress and quit cigarettes—starting today!

I would rather do this on my own. Just set the pack down and walk away. Except, when I do, I always walk away telling myself that maybe I can smoke again later, if I am good, on special occasions, and when the sky is blue. And I always keep my promises. So clearly, quitting on my own and quitting without help is not something that sticks for me. I need a program! A cessation program! Maybe one that involves drugs and gums and shots and a watch that is swung gently before me, pendulum-like, in a dark room while a man in glasses with a little beard soothingly invites me to go into a deep trance during which he will reprogram my brain and fix me right up, good as new.

But maybe that is a lot of effort and will require a lot of planning and resources, and I can just turn to the Internet to see how I am supposed to quit smoking. Google "quit smoking," and you get some terrifying results. Many of them insist that you are DOOMED TO FAILURE unless you USE THEIR GREAT PLAN! Some of them involve forums, and signing up for modules. The one I have finally chosen involves an acronym. And the reason I chose it is because acronyms make me happy. I will not regret this decision, I think. Acronyms, man. Okay, let's quit.

So the acronym--it is START, and here is how it goes:

S = Set a quit date.

Okay! I can do that. I quit today.

T = Tell family, friends, and coworkers that you plan to quit.

Hey, everybody! I plan to quit, today. Please slap me mightily if you see me begin to crave nicotine.

A = Anticipate and plan for the challenges you'll face while quitting.

I anticipate that it is going to suck. Not only that, but it is going to suck a lot. I anticipate that I will be filled with rage, and a sense of overwhelming unfairness and the feeling that I am very cross that I cannot continue to smoke freely and without consequences. How am I going to plan for these challenges? I will probably whine a lot. It's a gift I have! Maybe I will also enjoy lollipops (a lot) and every time it sucks particularly a lot, I will buy myself a pair of shoes. (Smokers worry about getting pudgy if they quit, but continuing to smoke is actually associated with more belly fat in women.)

R = Remove cigarettes and other tobacco products from your home, car, and work.

Can I remove them by smoking them? No? Fine.

T = Talk to your doctor about getting help to quit.

Does that include valium? I bet it does! This quitting thing is going to be AWESOME. I am calling my doctor today!

Okay, this seems maybe a little too easy, this plan. It also seems like it is pretty much what I have done each time I have tried to quit, except without the fancy acronym. What is going to make it stick, this time? The government has some ideas for me, and to my snotty, cynical surprise, they are really good ideas--distraction, a change in routine, talking to other people who are trying to quit, even 1-800 numbers. I can call a 1-800 number if I have to. Today I'm just going to try walking a different route from work and practice not immediately snaking my pack out of my pocket the moment I step out of the office. I won't have a pack left. Soon I won't be smoking.

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[photo credit: Getty Images]