Can you be addicted to having babies?

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  Posted by itsallaboutska Wed Feb 4, 2009 12:39pm PST

  Yes, you absolutely can! She has a form of OCD...I know it sounds strange, but it's true.

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  Posted by whats up? Wed Feb 4, 2009 12:51pm PST

  I think some people do it for money on the tax returns and food stamps etc but I think others just love having family who are we to judge? Unless the kids are being harmed in some sort of way its none of our business

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  Posted by Charlene Prince Birkeland, Shine staff Wed Feb 4, 2009 1:03pm PST

  Whose That girl -- totally agree on not judging.

  But here's the thing: If it is a mental health issue, how does it get treated? And how do they identify it before it's too late?

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  Posted by Leigh Wed Feb 4, 2009 1:15pm PST

  Not judging is fine but what kind of life are these kids going to have?? 14 children, no job and her only help(Mom and Dad) are both leaving?? Who does she think she is bringing children into the world that she cant look after without a MOUNTAIN of help??? I think she is selfish and rather unconcerned about the welfare of her first 6 children, let alone the 8 new ones??? I think her mental stability NEEDS to be examined and quickly....!

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  Posted by HotCrossBuns Wed Feb 4, 2009 2:22pm PST

  I have a family member who planned to keep having kids until she couldn't have kids anymore. She accomplished that goal..7 kids later she was told the next baby WILL kill her, and the doctor wasn't sure how #6 didn't. She can't care for the kids she has and they live in squalor...but by God she had her babies! She is OCD and Bipolar, and has NUMEROUS other mental and emotional issues, on top of the fact that the babydaddy is nothing but an overgrown kid himself. It is most definitely an addiction for her. It went from substance addiction to pregnancy addiction and has turned into "another addiction"...

  In this case there is nothing anybody could do. Unless you can have the person declared incompetent and not in control of their own faculties (have them committed)...they are free to do what they do. And the states will keep paying to raise their kids to the age of 18. Even if they have to put all those kids in foster care, the mom is still free to go and have 14 more.

  Don't get me wrong, though. I believe that some women (and men) really do enjoy having a large family and do well and raise good kids. I don't think the situation has to be all or nothing. Back in the 30's, 40's into the 50's my grandmother alone had 14 children (those darned Irish Catholics!! lol) and those who survived (11 of them) grew up in a loving, respectable household and developed into happy, well adjusted adults (okay, I use those terms veeeery loosely!).

  Bottom line, yes it can be an addiction and there isn't a darned thing that anyone can do.

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  Posted by Beth Wed Feb 4, 2009 3:44pm PST

  Oh, God, yes, a woman can be addicted to having kids. About 30 seconds after my son was born, I was thinking "when can I do that again?!?!" which I am finding is not a very typical response :) I'm going to be responsible and limit myself to 2 or 3 kids. But I can see how women can want to do it over and over and over. That doesn't make it right though. There's almost no chance of have the financial means to support 5+ kids, and it's not at all possible to offer the emotional support. Not to mention what it does to the planet when lots of families have lots of kids.

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  Posted by M. z Wed Feb 4, 2009 9:06pm PST

  I have a cousin who seems like a birthing addict. When she had three, her husband told her no more, but then she got pregnant again, and right afterwards wanted to have another, so 4 in all! She'd have 7 if she could! From my perspective, and based on other encounters I've had with her, it does seem like an addiction or like there's some mental health issue. To add to it, she even works with pregnant women for a living. She's a doula which is sort of like a midwife, but different. So if she's not having them, she's helping someone else have them. I don't think there's a day of her life that goes by that doesn't involve the birthing of new babies! So it does seem like an obsession with her. I will say though, she's at least responsible with her kids, has good limits with them and they get plenty of attention. They're all really great, interesting, and smart kids. The money hasn't always been there, but they live in Canada too so health care isn't an issue there like it is here in the states and they've always done whatever they need to provide for their family of 6. Overall, I think in her case, even though it's probably an addiction, she's a 'functional addict' in that she takes care of her kids well as does her husband. I think the problem though, is since she's been having them since such a young age, and so narrowly and rigidly focused on 'mothering' and 'birthing', it seems her relationships with the outside world haven't developed in the way they maybe should and the lack of self-actualization has made it really difficult to spend time around her...there seems to be a lot of jealousy and intimidation of other women who are younger or have more free time and she kinda gets on a weird 'mother superior' kick around women who don't conform to the role she has.

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  Posted by M. z Wed Feb 4, 2009 9:08pm PST

  On a side note... we do have over 6 billion people on the planet, so making babies is quite obviously an addiction.

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  Posted by Charlene Prince Birkeland, Shine staff Wed Feb 4, 2009 9:31pm PST

  Beth -- you know, I felt the same way right after I delivered my second kid. It was amazing and easy and everything you'd want in a labor and delivery. And then when my littlest was 3 months old and my older kid was being, well, a typical 4 year old boy dealing with a new little brother, I thought "I'm done." And then we threw a new puppy in the mix, and I knew, without a question, that we were really, really done :)

  Side note: What about this idea that four is the new two? Why is that?

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  Posted by Sarah Y Thu Feb 5, 2009 5:55am PST

  I'm not sure that I completely understand the craze... My husband wants number two, but I felt so overwhelmed by pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding that I just tense up at the thought of doing it again. Sometimes, I feel like I am so much the opposite of most women that I don't fit in. My friends are always saying, "But you do want to have more, right?" Honestly, no.

  I love watching the shows about big families, but it is more to marvel at the sheer insanity of it all. It just looks so exhausting!

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