Etiquette doyenne Peggy Post tells us how a bit of manners can keep social stress to a minimum.
1. You love your guests, but they want to bring their dog, whose potential for house damage you love less.
Peggy Post on Holiday Etiquette
“Speak up,” says Post. “Say, ‘We’re so glad you’re coming, and we have a wonderful kennel nearby.’ It’s easier with friends than with family. If it’s your mother’s beloved dog, maybe it’s not worth bringing up, and that’s the cost of keeping the peace.” (Keep in mind: “It’s best to be honest in a kind way.”)
2. Out at dinner, your guests order triple what you order—and then want to split the bill.
“Quietly ask the server if separate checks are OK,” says Post. “It’s a reality that you can’t support others’ eating and drinking.” (Keep in mind: You can always choose the restaurant, a charming place in town that is moderately priced.)
3. You’d prefer to let only certain family members crash at your house.
“You need to have a logical cutoff. Say you’re having your mom and dad, and that’s it. Be careful if you have three siblings, and you don’t like hosting one of them. Think about relationships,” she says. (Keep in mind: “Try not to make a big to-do, especially if it’s someone who really can’t afford to go elsewhere.”)
4. Uncle Henry, the fishing fanatic, wants to spend hours together at the sporting goods store and watching fishing television.
Suggest other activities long before he arrives. (Keep in mind: You only need to offer to drop him off and pick him up at the store; you don’t need to stay with him.)
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10 Etiquette Rules for a Happy Hostess
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