*Causes may or may not be real issues but refer instead to things that you can say seriously while looking into a camera. Any similarity to actual causes is purely coincidence.
The cause: Fashion's Night Out. It's to benefit fashion. Yeah, just fashion in general. Why? It just needs more money from you. Just a blank check made out to Fashion c/o Anna Wintour will do.
The models: Miranda Kerr, Chanel Iman and others
Why you should care: "You're making a choice to help a whole industry that touches us all," says someone with a thick, smoldering accent and some kind of throw blanket on her shoulders. That should be enough information for you. But here's more: Imagine a world without Campari sponsored after-parties, hyperbolic tantrums, or long walkways on which people walk back and forth for eight minutes. That could be in our future if we don't get regular people to spend more money they don't have. The biggest victim in the economic crisis has been the fashion industry, as we all know. That's why top models have come together this week to say words at the exact same time, wear funky hats, hold skateboards and get real.
She's speaking out for women with real bodies. (Getty Images)
The cause: Make sample sizes larger. Not too large, though.
The model: Doutzen Kroes
Why you should care: I'm sure you've heard of this sample size debate brewing. It's all anyone can talk about. Designers are only ordering sizes for super-skinny models! I know, I know it's a shocking that models are expected to be so thin, right? Because it's not fair to other women right? And not women and girls at large, but specifically other models who are a size 2 like Doutzen. She can't walk in nearly as many runway shows and that hampers her income and her career. So lets band together and raise awareness for this leggy, blond woman who seems medium nice.
The cause: DKNY Video Action Committee's Orange Bikes. "In 2008, they were placed around New York City, to inform the public of their fashion plan to eliminate all motor vehicles in NYC by the year 2018." Yup ambulances and firetrucks too. Why do you think god made bicycles built for two?
The models: DKNY runway models got all up in the camera's face to spread a message of wheels.
Why you should care: Well February of 2008, when this campaign was launched, was around the time the presidential election was gearing up. Our federal deficit hit a record $410 billion, the war in Chad was raging, a tornado wiped out a portion of homes in the South, suicide bombs exploded in Pakistan, Iraq and Israel. But what's worse, there was so much traffic. Srsly you guys, how awesome would it be if bikes, and maybe like hot, shirtless rickshaw drivers or something, were the only way to get around Manhattan? And then like to get to the other boroughs (for what reason I don't know) you'd have to ride camel!
The cause: National Real Hair Day. Show your real hair people, and leave your weaves and wigs at home!
The model: Tyra Banks
Why you should care: Because it's historic. Never before has anyone been so brave as to show her real natural born follicles on TV. They have? Well has anyone done it on the Tyra Banks show...who's name is Tyra and was also a talk show host? Yeah I thought not. Her campaign offered a new way of thinking about hair, as the stuff on your head, not the stuff in the box under your bed. Thankfully it was only one day. Then everyone could put their wigs back on. (Cher, Frenchie from Grease-- all two of you)
Marissa Miller is a business woman, okay? (Getty)
The cause: More fashion money. No this time it's not for the whole industry, it's just for individual models.
The model: Marissa Miller
Why you should care: Because she's proving that you can be more than just every single man's fantasy, you can also be really rich. Miller told Forbes she's branched out to merchandising beyond the runway not just to earn money but to "break down those stereotypes of thinking that you're in this box." Her first stone's throw to the hit the glass ceiling: collaborating on a line of Vans sneakers. They're rainbow colored.
The cause: Sell cheap vodka to orthodox Jews! Also bring offensive advertising to communities most likely to take offense!
The models: a bunch of them in bikinis
Why you should care: The Georgi Vodka ad people worked really hard to take the picture of the girls in bathing suits holding the bottle of the vodka. And then the MTA says it won't put the ad on buses that run through Orthodox Jewish communities, which is totally unfair because buses says it got to go to there too. What? Look at this sign: "MTA should butt out of bikini ads!" Hahaha. Get it?
The cause: Adult systematic bullying. You guys, it's totally a thing.
The model: Kelly Bensimon
Why you should care: Because it could happen to you. We all saw what happened to Kelly when she went on the yacht off the exotic tropical island and then stayed in that castle and had a private chef, and how all the other women there totally ganged up on her by giving her goody bags and disrespecting the way she talked about lemonade. After a few months in recovery, she was inspired to come forth about it. In her PSA she offers tips that may save your life if you find yourself in the tropics filming a non-competitive reality show. The trick is, everyone has to agree with you always. Otherwise it's four on one and that's illegal. Trust me. My father's a lawyer, okay?