We all make pea-brained decisions sometimes, the kind that make you wonder if you ever had any intelligence at all, or if you're seriously walking around at lower than imbecilic capacity. It's enough to bring on an existential crisis-that is, until you do something well, and all seems right with the world again and you finally stop feeling like you're walking around with a big "L" for loser on your forehead. This was our week in idiocy.
1. The Snuggie
Obviously, this backwards robe contraption is destined to become the "I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up" of our time. But let me tell you this: it sucks. It might be the worst waste of $19.95 of all time. There are so many designs flaws with this garment that the list is seemingly endless, but allow me to try and abbreviate its points of horror:
- The advertised "super soft luxurious fleece" is lower quality than an airplane blanket. It's cheap, it's scratchy, it's thin, and the entire time you're wearing it, you feel as though you might spontaneously set on fire.
- It spreads static and gives "shock-giving" properties to all and everything around it: Pets, your partner, all hair on your body. I have never heard a fabric crackle before, but I swear the ultra-flimsy Snuggie does. Also, even if you are across the room from the Snuggie, it will make your hair stand on end like you've rubbed your head with four balloons at once.
- It will not keep you warm. No more than if you wore a thin sweatshirt, seriously.
- It's "convenience" factor is moot. It's too long, it doesn't stay closed, and frankly I think it would be unsafe to walk in, God forbid you cook something while wearing it.
Lesson: If you are a person who recently made a drastic hair change, you also need to be a person who takes the time to figure out how to maintain this new hair. That means not walking into Ricky's beauty supply store, dropping 20 bucks on the first "red" shampoo you see, dousing your whole head with it, and then realizing things have gone horribly wrong. For two days this week, I had hot pink hair. This was because I just didn't feel like asking the salesgirl and wanted to prove that I was knowledgeable about things I know nothing about (namely "tinting" shampoos). My roommate/husband suggested that it looked like I had gone punk rock, I just felt lame.
3. Up in Arms
Sometimes, the power and the pace and the absolute lack of filter of the interwebs turns the best person into a horse's ass. Last week, I wrote a post about dressing your age and in it, I used Susan Sarandon (an actress I have long loved and admired) to illustrate clothes that are inappropriate as one gets older. I even kind of made fun of her arms. It was a sh*tty thing to write and I don't know why I did it...there were a million ways to make my point, which was that, honestly, sometimes getting older makes me sad, I hate thinking that my wardrobe options will be limited as my body continues to change, and that I don't want to indulge in this sort of reality, but that I believe it is, in fact, a reality. I was trying to convey my own ambivalence about the topic and stir up conversation. Instead of really thinking it out, I went cheap and took down one of my own. It will not happen again.