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    User post: Redheads...why they're nuts!!



    During a school assembly in 9th grade, everyone was told to gather by their hair color. Naturally, I instantly walked toward the blonds when I was tapped on the shoulder by an authority figure who said, "Strawberry blond is red!" And from that moment on, I've considered myself to be a redhead. I'll be the first to admit, redheads are different. Mark Twain said, "While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats."

    So let's define degrees of red and thus, degrees of accompanying intensity.

    Strawberry Blond

    A strawberry blond (see photo just below) is like a mixed breed. "Strawberries" can be totally normal one second and then become the most socially awkward freaks another second. Think a playful Golden Retriever meets a Chow Chow having a colonoscopy.



    Splotchy Red

    Splotchy Redheads (see photo just below) have amber hair and lots of freckles on their face. Freckles are less about weirdness and more about politeness. Splotchies can be the sweetest, kindest folk but look at them the wrong way and their glare can cut through steel and their words sting harder than oral love performed with Camphophenique.



    Purebred Red

    Purebred Redheads (see photo just below) at least look as if they've come from 2 redheaded parents. Purebred Reds generally have bright red hair and fluorescent personalities. They tend to be brilliant and passionate about odd things like seashells. The thing is, it's hard to spot a true Purebred Red as many dye their hair. To find out, here's what you do. Lick your hand and then introduce yourself to the suspect. If they refuse to shake your hand, they are tried and true Purebred Red. Why? Because Purebred Reds are complete germophobes.




    *****

    By the year 2100, redheads will be extinct. According to the Seattle Times, "just 4 percent of the world's population carries the red-hair gene. The gene is recessive and therefore diluted when carriers produce children with people who have the dominant brown-hair gene."

    It's one thing to lose the atmosphere, icecaps, and the Maldives. But can you imagine a world without redheads? Do you not love us for our eccentricities, ill-timed remarks, glowing back hairs, and ffumder?

    If you are having a hard time figuring out how to make an impact and save the earth, look no farther than your favorite Splotchy, Strawberry or Purebred Red. Like the Short-Tailed Albatross and the Mission Blue Butterfly, redheads are also endangered species who need your love, attention, and most important, encouragement to breed with other redheads.

    Let's turn this thing around. Forget all this hype about going green. Go Red!



    by David Romanelli (www.yeahdave.com)

    To sign up for my weekly email newsletter THE SCHTICK, email me: yeahdave@mac.com

    I invite you to check out my book YEAH DAVE'S GUIDE TO LIVIN' THE MOMENT by clicking here.

     

    16 comments

    • bite me  •  2 years 5 months ago
      yes, i do consider myself "weird"
    • Beatlemaniac68  •  2 years 7 months ago
      wow. that's total crap. i'm a 100% natural redhead and i'm not a germophobe. nor am i passionate about seashells >:P
    • k8blujay  •  3 years 0 months ago
      I always wanted to be strawberry blonde like my grandmother was.. I think redheads like Princess Fergie (Sarah Fergason) are the prettiest people... Unfortunately I was blessed with brown hair (though if I am out in the sun enough in the summer it has hints of red and blonde) that dominated my head after the age of 3.
    • whiteoakmiracle  •  3 years 0 months ago
      okie dokie Dave, been reading your postings for a couple years. This is the weirdest one yet!
    • Rosa  •  3 years 0 months ago
      The only readheads I've ever known are freaking nuts!!!
    • Liz  •  3 years 0 months ago
      Great post! Funny, bc just yesterday I was researching why red headed children are so often used in commercials-seriously. And I couldn't find an answer. I had done a research project in college on the psychology behind marketing (of which billions of dollars are spent)
      So I'm still wondering what the allure is considering that red heads (especially red headed children) have such...stigmas? attached to them. I mean, they have gotten bad reps over the years, like that movie Problem Child; and yet there they are selling juice, Clorox Bleach, gummie vitamins and Campbell's Soup??
      If you can explain I'm all ears!
    • countnchickn  •  3 years 0 months ago
      I was teased so much as a red headed child. I was called pizza hut, fire engine red, and carrot top. Then I hated it and dyed it for years. It has only been in my late twenties that I have "embraced" the red and put it back natural. I guess red heads get teased because they are the odd ball out. Not many of them. I say GO RED also!
    • jbluv  •  3 years 0 months ago
      what about the darker reds? i have auburn hair, and have always considered myself a redhead
    • Ginger  •  3 years 0 months ago
      Hey, we gingers are a proud race. We got Ron Howard! And my husband and I are doing our part to stop the extinction, we gingers are keeping it in the species... Yeah for red head monster children!
    • JamesH  •  2 years 11 months ago
      My wife is a true Irish redhead with a 2nd degree black belt and PMS I no longer need "extreem sports of any kind.

      jim in salt lake
    • Sixycat  •  3 years 0 months ago
      Because redheads have an "all american" apple pie look. That is why they are casted so frequently and sought after for print ads, commercials, etc. The extension theory has been debunked by the way.
    • that one girl  •  3 years 0 months ago
      this article is weird 0.o
    • kaliluna  •  3 years 0 months ago
      This article is pretty funny. I thought it was serious at first but then realized it is very tongue-in-cheek. I am a natural redhead (real red, not strawberry blonde, blotchy or auburn). I know from what I've read that a small percentage of the population has natural red hair, which makes me feel kind of special :). But I have known a lot of redheads in my life (at my last job I worked with 3 natural redheads, so there were 4 of us!), and I do see a lot around where I live. Maybe it's just here in the Pacific Northwest that there's more of a concentration lol.
      I come from a long line of redheads though: my grandma was a redhead and so is my mom, which is where I get it from. All of my mom's siblings had some shade of red hair. One of her brother's has 4 kids and they all have different shades of red hair. I haven't had kids yet but I'm sure I'd pop out a redhead too :).
      If anyone is interested in reading more info about redheads, there's a great book called The Roots of Desire: The Myth, Meaning, and Sexual Power of Red Hair by Marion Roach.
      I am proud to be a Ginger Kid and even have a t-shirt with that on it. For another good laugh check out http://www.myspace.com/igkf (for the International Ginger Kid Foundation) and http://apps.facebook.com/causes/1633/18442474?m=b231efc9&ref=nf a Facebook Save the Gingers page.
    • Becky  •  3 years 0 months ago
      I love the term "splochies". I've always called myself spotted.
    • Sixycat  •  3 years 0 months ago
      Redheaded children are sought for advertising because it is thought that it is the epitome of the "All American apple pie" look. The extinct theory has been going around the internet for a few years and is not true. Check this link http://science.howstuffworks.com/genetic-science/redhead-extinction.htm Also many of my redheaded friends have been told that redheads shouldn't wear pink which is BullS#%&! Pink looks great on a redhead!
    • A Yahoo! User  •  3 years 0 months ago
      Wow, they are going to be extinct? Dang, strange, but honestly, I have always found red heads to be very unattractive, they usually have the nice hair, but are extremely pale with hoards of freckles, i find freckles very unattractice, like moles all over, but I have seen some really pretty ones, but their attitudes usually monotone, so I don't know where the "fire" is.

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