Tell me you've been in my shoes ...
You excitedly agree to a makeup session at one of the cosmetic counters in your local department store, only to walk out 30 minutes later in clownface, frantically rubbing off all the excess blush and bright blue eyeshadow on your face as you exit.
Or? You'd love some new tips, but you're so appalled by the heavily made-up cosmeticians at every makeup counter around you in the store that you question the quality of advice they'd give out.
The question I'm asking today is ... WHY?
More from The Stir: Teens are going "bare floor" and I'm concerned
I mean, I've grown used to seeing ridiculous makeup in magazines and cosmetic advertisements.
Sure, celebrities and models look interesting with metallic green shadow up to their brow lines and strategically placed glitter blush on their faces ... but let's be honest: That stuff doesn't fly in the car rider pick-up line. Or on a date night with your husband or boyfriend. Or ... pretty much anywhere.
So why haven't the department store makeup girls gotten the memo?
I can't tell you how many times I've gone into a store seeking out someone, anyone at one of the counters that I'd trust with my makeup questions -- and how many times I've left, scared out of my wits by the overdone makeup I've seen on all of their faces.
More from The Stir: 5 reasons why Katy Perry should expose her cleavage
If these "experts" can't achieve a pretty and natural look on their own faces, then how on earth can I be expected to trust them with mine?
What I don't understand is why cosmetics companies aren't insisting that their saleswomen showcase natural, wearable looks on their own faces. They'd sell SO MUCH MORE makeup that way!
Seriously, if there were a makeup counter where all of the women's faces were flawless, I'd be their most loyal customer. Instead, I've found that most of the makeup women look like extras on Dynasty. And I'm ready for an update.Ugly woman turns hot before your eyes
Eva Longoria & her makeup malfunction should comfort us all
Willow Smith, you're cute. Now go back to the playground.
Fingerless gloves indoors make me want to hurl
Image via Andrew H. Walker/Getty Images