Why My Daughter Will Never Wear a Bikini

I am truly grateful for a mother who taught me to be modest, and I never did care to dress any other way. I have no regrets. The guys I dated wanted to get to know ME, not my body. I married a wonderful man, and he's the only one who's had the privilege of knowing both. I can't even tell you how happy that makes me! :D

Thanks for writing an article standing up for modesty. It's REALLY interesting how expressing your opinion - that goes against the popular social choice - is 'judging' and being 'condescending'. Why isn't it considered expressing your opinion?? I'm pretty sure we're all 'judging' others whenever we disagree with another's view, so let it go!

While it's obvious that children grow into adults and will make their own choices, and perhaps experience some rebellion and so on, I see nothing wrong with careful parenting. From the tone of the article, it doesn't sound like micromanagement as much as what appears to be age-appropriate rules. Maybe the kid will want to wear a bikini when she's older. Maybe not. But I don't think anyone is worse off from learning that there are more reasons to be modest than stressing all the time about men looking at you. I think modesty can help self-esteem. It can be evidence of class and grace and self-respect. It also can (though not always) help people not focus so much on being sexy, or worrying that they aren't, or comparing their ______________ (fill in the body part of choice) with someone else's. But mostly, the child is a child, and her parent has a right to raise her as she sees fit, just like everyone else.

So, i notice most people commenting on here are females? well as a male let me tell you how it is. Now excuse me for being blunt, but.. EVERY guy LOVES it when females come down to the beach in bikini's.. and you know why? coz, to put it frankly, he gets to have more of a perve at her.. It's sad i know, but that is exactly how males are built to re-act to so much skin. so if you wanna show of your boobs and the rest of your 'beautifully' tanned skin, go on.. just remember... EVERY GUY is having a look at your breasts! Now i don't no about you but that would make me feel pretty degraded if i were you... And to those that say guys shouldn't be looking? Unfortuanately if they shouldn't be looking it's too bad... they're still gonna look!

My parents were super strict with the whole modest clothing thing. It just causes rebellion when they get to college. Luckily for my parents, I'm pretty smart and realized when I was going too far and was able to establish my own limits. Teach your child how to establish limits that they are comfortable with, not the ones you want to shove down their throats.

I understand what you mean. My biggest concern isn't necessarily my 5 year old daughter's body being covered, to be frank, I'm more concerned about attracting the "wrong" attention. The rule in our house is that if my daughter has on something that would make me say "OMG, did you see what the girl is wearing? How do her parents let her dress like that?" on another girl well then she can't wear it. I want Rachael to be liked and respected for who she is, not what she looks like or how she dresses. We don't allow anything with words on the butt or directly over her breasts.

I don't mind looking a bit on the sexy side, but the only man I want to tempt is my husband. Hopefully my daughter will learn from my example. I understand that she will choose clothing for herself as she gets older, but hopefully I can guide her to make modest choices so that she isn't strutting around looking like a hollywood strumpet or worrying about whether guys can see her underwear if she forgets to bend at the knees in a skirt!

Looking nice and a bit on the sexy side is one thing. Wearing the tiniest bikini with a thong that leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination? I just don't get it. And prayerfully neither will my daughter as she gets older. It's up to us to teach them self respect and to walk that fine line between looking a bit on the sexy side and looking like a street walker.....just my humble opinion.

I agree with this. Bikini's, particularily the 'micro' bikini's, exist as an example of male objectification. I feel that women who wear them are terribly deluded and unwilling to really think critically about the world around them and the expectations thrust upon them by contemporary culture and objectification by manufacturers, corporations, and male chauvinists alike.
Inb4 get back in the kitchen.
And the truth is, as much as people shouldn't look at a kid in their swimwear and see something other than a child, the fact is, there are people out there who do. You can't ignore that. Just look at all the cases of pedophilia popping up in the news. It's terrifying, and if I had a child, I would do everything within my power to prevent that.
I believe personally in modesty, not because of religious reasons (I'm actually agnostic), but because I feel it exhibits class, grace, and a higher self esteem.

There is nothing wrong with wearing a bikini. It does not indicate indecency. Your daughter is so young, you have no idea what she will wear or act like in the future. Do not judge other people for wearing slightly more revealing clothing or allowing their children to wear what they want. It is their choice and it does not indicate a moral failing. I would lose the holier-than-thou attitude as well, it causes this article comes across as very unprofessional.

your role as mother is to tentatively guide, not pave a road and say "that's the only direction you can go" if she wants to wear a bikini, let her, it is only demeaning or negative when you let someone believe a bikini does more than just ensure better tan lines.

Interesting how few guys are commenting here. Is this a discussion on modesty or on parents teaching their kids a family code of conduct. Modesty - its an outdated concept that many of us poo poo. but take care. Being old fashioned isnt a bad thing if the alternative is "do whatever you want" Respecting your body (whatever shape you are) is a huge issue for many girls - there is a huge pressure to look like barbie...the beach is not a flesh market for girls or guys. Many of the comments seem to think its ok to let kids do what they want or that when they get to a certain age they WILL do what they want. - Wrong and Wrong. Parents are the adults here. they are responsible for instilling truth and normal behavior into their children - neglect this and let your kids choose what they wear, eat or say and you are surely headed for trouble. secondly, while it is true that we all push the boundaries when we are adolescents, its not a given that we will do anything... again if parents have set the moral compass for the kids there is a high chance that kids will know what to do when it comes to moral choices at college and beyond etc

This reads more like an article about teaching a little girl to be ashamed of her sex than about teaching her modesty. It also looks to be a blatant example of someone pushing her own beliefs onto her child because she's ashamed (again) of who she was in the past. This whole article just made me uncomfortable.

Doesn't matter if you are wearing a bikini or a burka, if you are an attractive woman men will hit on you.

If you do not want any unwanted male attention, get fat, wear no makeup, wear nothing but shapeless gender nuetral sweatpants and shirts, and maybe stink a little then no man will ever hit on you

Never say never. She might wear one eventually, whether you like it or not.

You know all in all your daughter is going to end up making her own decisions in life so I honestly don't judge you for your choices because you're just teaching her good morals. No body else should judge either because I bet you each parent below is teaching their child things that you or anyone else would disapprove of. The way you describe it, you still let her show a little skin that's acceptable for a small child. As she ages though (Say when she's finally in highschool), I'd allow her to decide whether she wants her shoulders to show or not. It's hard to believe but if you allow them to show a little extra skin (an amount that they're comfortable with) it more than likely will make her feel a more natural beauty. But you're a good Momma and you have the best of intentions.

I think it's okay for a responsible person to make a decision about whether they will wear a bikini or not, but yeah, I understand why you wouldn't want your grade-school age daughter to wear one. And, contrary to popular belief, forbidding something doesn't automatically cause a person's child to crave it. I would know, I'm a teenager.

I agree and disagree on some points. I personally am 17 years old, and I don't wear bikinis because I'm not very comfortable in them, but if i was comfortable with my body, i would wear one. When I was growing up my mom let me wear whatever I wanted, including whatever swimsuit I wanted, within reason. And although sometimes my skirt may be a little bit too short or I show a little bit of cleavage, I am definitely not dressing near the inappropriate standard. It's a choice I make, not because of anyone, but because I just don't want to appear like that. I think that part of the reason I make these decisions now is because my mom never forced me into any specific kinds of clothes when I was younger, and I am thankful for that.

its important to be "modest" but modest is a relative term: by modesty u mean dressing in a way that doesnt provoke attention too much. If on the beach evryone is wearing swimsuits and ur wearing a floor length skirt, u stick out more than if u just wore say a one piece. its all about occasion.

Why is everyone criticizing this mother for trying to instill good morals in her children? Have we really gone so far as to say that wearing short skirts and revealing tops is better because then we aren't trying to force something onto our children? My parents had expectations of my clothing and I'm still dressing like that today because I saw that it made everything so much less complicated.

What a refreshing article - good for you; I appreciate your honesty and dedication to bring your child up with morality.

I agree and disagree...at the end of the day, kids are going to make their own decisions and sometimes you have to let them learn and be comfortable with themselves. Just because you had a bad experience doesn't mean your child will. It's good that you are trying to teach her values, but don't deprive her from something that might happen in the future. Just let her be and be there when she needs you, believe me...she will thank you when she is older.