She secretly threw out all his clothes — that's why he's shirtless.
They say all is fair in love and war keeping your half of the closet sacred and well-protected against those treacherous people you love. But that second bit is proving to be not all that easy. According to a recent poll released by Oxfam in conjunction with British clothier Marks & Spencer as part of their Shwopping initiative, more than half of women in relationships regularly pillage their male counterparts' wardrobes. Which may not sound all that surprising. But the tactics can quickly become Machiavellian.
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Nearly half of the women polled admitted to throwing away their partner's clothes without telling them first. (Whether they come clean about what they've done after a polite, "Honey, have you seen my favorite T-shirt that I've had since I won my high school's breaking crew competition - which, yeah, I burned a hole into during one ill-fated Fourth of July celebration but nonetheless love so dearly, almost as much as I love you?" is not covered in the results.) Other women dissemble their motives by saying that an article's ruination came through a laundry accident: 15 percent admitted that they put clothes in the wrong wash intentionally.
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Look, despite the rampant injustice, we don't mean to instigate unnecessary intra-couple warfare here - especially since we can't think of an acceptably manly form of vengeance. But guys, you have now been forewarned: Women admit that you have about six months of relationship before they start raiding your closet. In other words, you have about half a year to get yourself together. Or to build up some worthy defenses.
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