The true cost of motherhood for women

As a house husband for 30 years, yes I have not made as much money as if I had worked but my children are now head of a large corporation software department, doctor, and chemical engineer. On the whole, me staying home and nurturing them has added greatly to the society. My monitory gains willow compared to what my children add to the world.

One of the real issues is lack of affordable childcare. If the US were to follow certain european models in which childcare is treated as a public right, like school, women and men can choose to work or stay at home based on their desires rather than due to financial necessity. These same countries offer paternity leave. We are so focused on the gender divide, and arguing about which gender suffers more, that we don't focus on the larger picture, which is a dysfunctional culture that values corporate gains more than strong families.

One of the real issues is lack of affordable childcare. If the US were to follow certain european models in which childcare is treated as a public right, like school, women and men can choose to work or stay at home based on their desires rather than due to financial necessity. These same countries offer paternity leave. We are so focused on the gender divide, and arguing about which gender suffers more, that we don't focus on the larger picture, which is a dysfunctional culture that values corporate gains more than strong families.

Wow, I see a lot of rage towards women who decide not to have children. Maybe someone of us know that we would not be good parents, and decided not to do a disservice to our unborn children or society by breeding simply because it's natural. Some people just don't have the desire for children. It's not really such an uncommon idea. Some people would rather be able to give the kids back after a couple hours of "joy". What makes YOU happy might not make someone else happy. Myself and my fiance decided to be childFREE. You don't have to like my choice, you just have to respect it. SAHM are a staple of this country, but so are women who choose not to have children. We all have our place here. So you people should really stop with all the rage. It's not that serious.

First..this column does not address the women who have had children, go back to school, earn a degree and secure a good financially stable position....I personally had 3 children went back to school and currently top out at over 80,000 a yr....I went from 12$ an hour to over $36 in less than 10 years.

Second, this may not sit well with some folks, BUT you dont owe your children anything other than food, shelter, and clothes on their back. Everything else should be earned by them in some way...how much does it cost to reasonably shelter and cloth a child? Very little in actuallity.....handing them everything on a platter only gives them a gross sense of entitlement, make them earn what they get, up to and including a college education. It all comes down to; How bad do you want it?

There are two different kinds of working women with children. Women who come to work and work to the same level as those around themregardless of her home situation. There are A LOT of women who do this every day. They don't expect others to pick up the slack, they pull their weight. These women should be treated with the same respect as a father who comes to work every day and gives his best effort.

And then there are those women that decide to try to keep their jobs but make choices in an effort to balance their lives between their childrens' needs and their professional life. And when they do this they truly believe that those around them without children should help them out. And sometimes we do. And sometimes we're happy to do so. And sometimes we are not.

The annoying woman is the one that is in this last situation and actually complains about the fact that another man or woman got the job in front of them simply because they are a Mom. She talks about how she is smarter or better educated and therefore more deserving. Those women just don't get it.

So to the women AND men (parents) who work hard every day and don't expect others to pick up the slack for them because they've made a personal life choice, God Bless You. You deserve all the good things you get at work. To those women (and it is primarily women) who think you deserve the promotion over another person on the team who worked harder/longer, grow up. Everybody doesn't get everything.

"Agree.... but you have to take into consideration the educational level of most of the people who post comments on yahoo articles. It's usually ugly in these comments sections because the people themselves are uncultured and uneducated...and less educated people tend to be more regressive."

Sad but true, that's why the European countries are way ahead of us in so many respects. This country is so backwards and stories like this bring out the Neanderthals. Maybe people who make these comments are jealous of women who have careers or manage to be both mothers and professionals. If you raise your kids, you're earning your keep but let's face it, being a SAHM isn't the most intellectually challenging thing a woman can do.

When money becomes the standard for child bearing, it is time to stop bearing children.

Feel free to visit www.badparents.org

I haven't yet read ALL the comments, but I feel compelled to reply. First off, my heart goes out to anyone who this is really news to. Seriously, anyone with an average intelligence or better and who hasn't been brainwashed or indoctrinated to believe contrary KNOWS THIS! It's common sense people! NO ONE needs a "study" to tell them that there are trade-offs to having children just as there are trade-offs to NOT having children.

Ladies, you are being manipulated! Although it may sound like the ravings of a lunatic, Rex s is actually right. This kind of manipulation is NOT a new tactic. I too have traced it as far back as the Russian Revolution. All roads lead back to Communism. My first clue was the striking similarity in the language of the feminist war cries to the language used in the Communist Manifesto (I first read it in high school). Although the Soviets were defeated, the ideology lives on. The dream of a one-world, communistic-totalitarian government lives on.

For the plan to be successful (and sooner), more people will have to abandon their faith in God and look to the government for all their needs. The fastest route to a Godless society that is dependent on the government is to separate fathers from their families. This was done by force in apartheid South Africa. The tactics in the west are more subversive. Currently 40% of American children are growing up in homes without a father present. Children will be educated (and indoctrinated) by the state in public schools. Religious freedoms will have to be even further curtailed. It's not by chance that any mention of God was basically banned form public schools in favor of Humanism.

Women-you have choices. STOP letting these academics, talk show hosts, authors, women's group leaders, politicians and God knows who else TELL you where and how to find fulfillment in life.These people are making millions if not billions of dollars off of you collectively. If women were to ever decide again (collectively) they were "happy" as they were before this madness started, the money train would stop. There are too many people dependent on that revenue stream to allow that to happen. If you choose to find fulfillment in the natural roles that your bodies, your minds and your emotions were specifically created for-great! If you CHOOSE to ignore your natural impulses in favor of seeking fulfillment in monetary or material gain over having a family-again, it's YOUR choice. Choose and be happy. Stop letting "society" dictate FOR you what what choices you should make. Do what any MAN would do--choose your path and live with the consequences, make the best of it and adjust course if and when necessary.

Mike and Rachel Ruiz - Thank God that man is there to make all your decisions for you. If not then you might have to think for yourself. And my the way, that is a great quote. It shows that we are all just human beings complete and whole in ourselves and that we don't need outside help to who we want to be or do what we want to do. And it isn't a bunch of bull - it is proven that women make something like $.70 on the dollar that a man make with the same education and experience. It is about latent discrimination and societal conditioning. And it should be a choice on whether a person wants to raise a child - not an obligation - and it shouldn't cost women something that it doesnn't cost men.

This article doesn't take into account that women that have children have a better chance at a financially more stable future in their retirement years. The more kids the better. My father's parents had 9 kids. Each of them married. When my grandfather died, my grandmother had 18 people ready with wallets open saying "what do you need mom?". She still does. The more kids you have the better chance that some will like you and the better chance that one will either be rich or marry someone rich.

I have to say that Joanne's post is idiotic! A man's lifestyle doesn't change b/c he has kids? Really? I guess men don't sacrifice ANYTHING when they have kids, is that your idea? Why do women get 8 weeks off after having a kid, and men get no time off? Is that equality? If a man stays home with the kids, it's called 'non-traditional'. Is this what women in the 60's had in mind when they marched and burned their bras? Let's take a second look at 'equality' and give women what they want so men can have the same rights for parenting too.

When it comes down to child custody, the women always get preferential treatment. I am tired of hearing women complain about how they cannot be a mother and have a career at the same time, b/c men do it every day and have for millenia. If we want to discuss equality for women and men, let's talk about who bears the brunt when a relationship goes bad. For the most part, the woman gets the house, the custody, and the child support even when they are jobless or druggies. The man gets screwed 90% of the time, b/c he is the breadwinner, the responsible one, the career minded one. Why are we giving so much attention to women in the workplace? Either have children or have a career, or juggle both like 99% of the men out there working their butts off everyday and who actually have kids at the same time. Women want equality, but when it comes to who supports when a relationship goes bad, they cry and they have the displaced advantage to get the kids. When is REAL equality going to take place when we quit hearing about women's issues with having kids and making less money? This is crap, let's see the man's point of view here as well! Men love their kids and work just as hard and miss them as much as their partners. What is equality???

"There are some seriously misogynistic comments on this board. Seriously, people saying that a woman's purpose in life is to stay home and have babies most likely don't think women are full human beings but walking wombs. I think if a woman wants to have a family AND a career, she should be able to do so. The women who manage to pull off both should be commended. I also notice that a lot of stay at home mommies on this board have a serious martyr complex. "Look at me, I'm a stay at home mommy, I'm so virtuous and all self-giving, not like those evil feminists!" If you really want to stay home, that's your business, but don't impose your views on the rest of society. There are kids whose mothers work and turn out great and those with stay at home moms that are screwed up. How you raise kids is only PART of the equation. You also have to take genetics into consideration. I think a woman who succeeds in working outside the home and raising kids are the ones who should be praised. Those are the women I admire because I know I'd never be able to do both (one of the many reasons I don't have, nor plan to have, any kids). Just be glad that we as women have more options. And if a woman decides against having kids due to financial considerations, then she is making the right choice fer her. Each woman has to decide for herself whether or not it's worth it, there's not absolute right or wrong. There's no reason why a woman can't have room for both. It's not the 1950's anymore, get with the times people!"

Agree.... but you have to take into consideration the educational level of most of the people who post comments on yahoo articles. It's usually ugly in these comments sections because the people themselves are uncultured and uneducated...and less educated people tend to be more regressive.

"My mother took the child support from my dad (and the kids), the car from my step dad, free rent from a boyfriend, the house from another boyfriend, money from her lesbian girlfriend and claimed she raised the kids all by herself (oh yeah, moms make all the sacrifices)"

no wonder you are a men's rights activist--such a messed up family background. Feminism rocks.

You know I had children at a young age and have done pretty good for myself ( which I know is not the topic here) but when I decided to have children I did not look at it like this study shows it was not about how much will I lose but rather then how much I will gain from this.
Not to mention everyone just knows KIDS COST MONEY.....one way or another you will always lose that battle and whether it is from your job or the cost of a prom dress your are just PLAIN OUT OF MONEY.

takeing care of children in a womens role in nature,it seems the more advanced we get the more we part from nature.its just wrong for any women to b---- about her place in takeing care of kids.

There is definitely a role for money in a decision to have children, but truly, you do have to decide what you are going to make a prioriy in your life... just as with getting married, going to college, starting a career, etc. There are opportunity costs for every decision.. and it impacts those around you. All these decisions are personal choices, and the individual/couple need to make a decision themselves. Someone has to take care of the children. In place of a pay raise, for instance, the mother or father who are with the children get to see the little things, first step, first day of school. If one stays home, the other has to take care of the children, that is a fact: Someone has to take care of the little people who didn't ask to be born...

once just once, i wish single dads got the same credit. other guys in my profession are earning twice what I earn just because i put my kids first and could not leave them with an abusive mom.

J.S., you are right but perhaps you and other employers should step back and ask why is corporate America not really family-friendly? How many companies have on-site daycare, offer flex-time so a dual-working couple can make it possible for one parent to be home? You do seem to be more considerate than many managers who roll their eyes and grumble when a working mother says she has to go home early because her child is ill, and yes father's should absolutely pitch in and help and most do not.