If you approach a sex talk with your kids in the same way that you approach a business deal or an educational plan, you can breeze through it without too much trauma. When it comes to topics like sex, you have to approach your kids with two things in mind: Show no fear and have a direct plan of action. Otherwise, you walk away wondering what ever made you think you could have that talk without some sort of professional training. In the meantime, your kids will be calling their friends in fits of giggles, still without a clue about anything having to do with the reality of sex.
Put yourself and your child at ease. You know the talk is coming, so you're likely to be nervous. Kids can just about smell fear, so don't let it show. Create a comfortable setting where you both have some privacy and an extended amount of time. Keep the lights dim so he or she doesn't feel like they are under the spotlight later in the conversation. Keep things light to begin with by using some casual banter. You might even joke around about his or her girlfriend or boyfriend to lighten things up while you lead into the topic at hand.
Find out what they know. Every educator will tell you that before any lessons are given, you have to assess existing knowledge. Start by asking if they've kissed anyone yet or ask them questions about the small change in their bodies, like new hairs. Keep in mind that your child is likely to have a few things mixed up or might even know more than you would like for them to. Don't show any shock, lest they mistake it for disgust.
Expand on what they know. You might be tempted to start lecturing using medical jargon. While this might make you more comfortable, it's only going to bore your child into a coma or cause them to have more questions than necessary. Use simple terms and combine what they know with what they need to know. You might help them to understand the feelings they have by talking about how a person gets goosebumps or feels the need to blush.
Share your experience. No, you don't need to go into detail about your sex life. In fact, as a single parent, I prohibit any questions about my current sex life (non-existent as it may be). You can share your own fears and misconceptions that you had as a child.
Encourage questions. You've explained what sex is as well as some of the details that go along with it, like feelings and uncertainties. If you've been paying attention, you can see the questions in your child's eyes at certain points. Explain more as needed, but encourage your child to ask any questions they may have. Present an open front so they're more willing to come to you. Otherwise they'll be getting advice from kids their own age.
Source: Personal experience
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