How to Be More Confident

You don't need to wear sky-high stilettos to feel 10 feet tall. Instead, try these smart assertiveness-building strategies on for size-courtesy of a gutsy panel of experts, including a former police sergeant and a neurosurgeon.
By Lindsy Van Gelder; additional reporting by Julia Edelstein

Leif Parsons 1. Practice Eye Contact
People often think self-defense classes teach only how to physically fight back against a predator. But the practice is also about becoming empowered. One way to do that is to project assertiveness with your body language. With people you converse with frequently, make it a habit to look at them directly in the eye and maintain your gaze while you're talking. This simple move shows that you're not weak and that you're engaged, and it's the first step to becoming less passive in the rest of your life. Keep it up and, with each interaction, you'll gain a little more confidence.

Steve Kardian is a former police sergeant and the founder of Defend University, in Thornwood, New York, which certifies self-defense-training instructors nationwide.

Also See: Home Safety Checklist



2. Curb Your Nervous Tics
When you're uneasy, your body often betrays you with actions that reveal your true feelings. Pulling your hair into a ponytail repeatedly or twisting a few strands between your fingers indicates that you might be skeptical of your own abilities. Talking too fast exposes your uncertainty, too. (These habits also detract from what you say.) Instead, walk or sit upright with your shoulders back, arms uncrossed, and head up. You'll appear confident to others and, as a result, feel that way yourself.

James A. Cohen is an associate professor of law at Fordham University School of Law, in New York City.

Also See: How to Make a Good First Impression



3. Psych Yourself Up with a Ritual
Everything comes naturally and you operate on autopilot when you're feeling good about yourself. To bring yourself into this mind-set, create a routine to go through before an important event. For example, a tennis player might bounce a ball four times before each serve. And before every surgery, my assistant and I follow a regimen. It slows down our minds, and we get into a natural rhythm-making us better prepared to handle any situation confidently.

Anders Cohen, M.D., is the chief of neurosurgery and spine surgery at the Brooklyn Hospital Center. He is a former tennis pro and a physician for the US Open Tennis Championships.

Also See: 5 Quick Rituals for a Better Day


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