Tips for squelching your anger

Thank you for this article! its a BIG help<3 keep up the good work! ;)

the meek shall inherit the the earth and a** holes I guess go to hell,but it sure is hard waiting on the good guys turn to be appreciated,you just have to not let people bring you down to their level, when you are provoked you give others the upper hand,sometimes you just need to know you are better than that.

Great post! Reading this just made me realize that a big chunk of my problems over the years are from my anger. It's also very unhealthy for your heart and nervous system. I will sincerely take these tips into consideration tomorrow on my way to class with all the idiot drivers in STL!

This blogger cites studies on the negativity of anger and I find myself begging to differ.
These studies were done in controlled clinical settings but the real knowledge of human behavior can be found in mental health clinics.
These researchers need to get out of their sterile labs and into the trenches before they can say anything with authority on the workings of the human mind.
I've spent more than 20 years in psychotherapy, and, early on, learned that anger is normal and that it's actually healthy to express it. One need not be loud or violent but it is okay to get snappy from time to time.
In my sessions, the defenition of depression was anger turned inward. And anger was fear bottled up.
(But that, of course, was in a setting for seriously mentally ill people, so it may not work as well for "normal" folk.)
Anger is hard-wired into us as part of our "fight-or-flight" survival mechanism. So anger is actually a very useful tool.
Learning to channel it, difficult as it may be, can lead to some very constructive progress.
So toss out the Jedispeak and the Zenisms because they are not at all in touch with reality.
Nature gave us what we've got for a reason. And we all know "It's not wise to fool with Mother Nature."

This blog hit home with me in so many ways, I have struggled with rage for quite sometime now and it is even worse when any episode I might have with my daughter's mother goes straight into a declaration against me in court while I contend with an ongoing custody battle. My daughter's mother has done some pretty rotten and unthinkably cruel things in the past. I become enraged by just thinking about them still to this day. Not to mention her relentless attempts to use our daughter and her new husband and their new born baby to pick at not yet fully healed wounds. The problem I have is not being able to find a way to deal with my anger during the times that she starts to poke. My failure to control the way I act when I become angry plays right into her hands. Declaration after declaration about how abusive a person I am and how I continue to have issues with not being able to control the way I act when I get angry. In order for me to take away any ammunition she might have to use against me in court and further limit my time with our daughter, I must figure out some strategies as to how I can control the way I react when I become angry. I received more tools from your blog than I did from 22 weeks of anger management. So Thanks

Anger can' be controled. The only answer is JESUS JESUS JESUS!!! Like I said earlier anger is a root spirit of jealousy. Remember the TRUTH shall set you free.

I have to say that I am a huge believer in these tactics of thinking to rid myself of anger. I used these tactics first hand on Saturday. And I was able to not only stop a fight between me and my party guest but it made me feel that much better knowing I didnt have to use hate as of tool to bring peace between us. I didnt know of them all to say the lease but I will use the ones I have learned in this blog. Thank you for the post.

Bite me!

Maybe you are right...when people act like jerks, greedy or just mean, I will just ignore them, pretend they do not exist and if they control my livelihood, I will simply let them take my job and starve my family...great plan...

Anger does nothing to SOLVE problems - it just makes them worse. All anger does is spew poison on our relationships. How do YOU FEEL when someone spews poison [anger] all over YOU?

Number "2" was taken out of context from the bible. It has nothing to do with letting God know how angry you are. Not letting the sun go down on your anger means making it right that day, forgiving the other person that you are "angry" at, before that day is over. Example; If you are married and get into an argument with your wife, don't let it brew and go by without talking about it after you cool down. If you don't confront it that day/night, it is too easy to not go back and deal with it, but it's an unresolved and is often held as a resentment, however minor. It is harbored and those things add up to become serious problems later when they come up again usually during another disagreement. They pile up and there you are, dealing with all these unresolved issues.
The writer also stated in that paragraph that God is the "Big Man". "God is not a man that He should lie", the bible also says. God is the Creator of all things and is Holy. With God real anger issue can never really be deal with. Seek and you will find.

Thank you so much. I've never had a quick temper, but caring for my mother for over a year has sent me over the edge. It's useless to get angry with her. She's suffering from severe Dementia or Alzheimer's Disease, but I cannot help it. I now have a permanently stiff neck and headaches. Your suggestions will help me.

By the time I got to #2, I new this article had to be written by a woman. No, I didn't look at the by-line first. This load of crap would never work for me, or most men.

Uhhhh, Ms. Rubin... don't try to not feel your anger. Supressing (being aware of it but not expressing it) or repressing (denying it altogether) your anger just turns it inward and it gets bottled up. I supressed my anger for years and wound up depressed, closed down and unable to trust anyone.

"Catharsis" doesn't mean you have to blow up at people or go into psycho-drama. Find creative ways of releasing your anger. You like to write, obviously. Maybe you could have a "safe space" for writing about whatever's bugging you. Let off steam about it. When you start to feel more calm, explore some of the things you mentioned above (e.g. am I angry at myself? am I in the wrong?) and brainstorm about more constructive ways of solving the problem.

Remember that while there are many destructive faces to anger, there are some truly positive ones as well. Anger, properly channeled (and with the help of a professional if need be), can be a major catalyst for positive change in your life and in the world. Anger about injustice inspired the likes of Gandhi, Martin Luther King to stand up and organize revolutions. Even Jesus had His moments--remember the story of the money-changers. And I'm sure He wasn't pleased with the treatment of His society's "untouchables", lepers, the poor, etc. (I mention these three because in spite of the anger involved, they practiced non-violence.) Do you think our founding fathers were calm and cheerful in the face of opression from the British? I doubt it!

It's a fine line to walk and I understand why you might be tempted to try to rid yourself of it (I certainly had some colorful explosions once I connected with my anger). But don't sacrifice your right to your feelings and to a huge store of energy just because of your fear and please, don't tell people to do the same.

I believe that this is a bunch of nonsense, first off because when people get angry they tend to blow up, in the sense that they can not control their anger. I do have a very outrageous temper myself, but none of the things you have said in this article will help anyone in anyway. "Am I mad at myself" What kind of question is that to ask yourself? What if someone just walks up to your car and smashes your window in, are you going to ask yourself "Am I mad at myself"? No you will be upset with that person and that is part of who you are. Yes try and control yourself but asking questions to yourself is just plain silly. You should really just take some deep slow breaths and walk around that's what I do, and all of the people I've ever helped say that it works the best. Try walking in circles with your eyes closed and just concentrate on your breathing. That is the best way that I have found out that works while studying peoples' personal behaviors.

Well done piece; I reposted it on my space and below, with appropriate links, hope it helps.
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http://blogs.myspace.com/dbpubs
http://blog.myspace.com/blog/rss.cfm?friendID=22482174
Tim

Just reading this made me boil inside

I get it, but I think most people don't understand the difference between "anger" and "rage".

Anger is very healthy to process, for it is "real time" and there is an immediate benefit as the parasympathetic system is given back control, while the sympathetic system gets a chance to be heard and then "let go".

Rage is like the inner coating of kitchen & bathroom sink pipes. The sludge builds up slowly over time. Then along comes something that would have gone down the drain had they been kept open on a regular basis, and a crisis ensues when the sink won't drain.

Anger is acute. Rage is insidious. Thus, we are more cognizant of what's going on during anger, but clueless as to the underlying cause of our fit of rage.

The suggestions in this article are best applied to fits of rage, for we need to do something NOW to restore the balance between parasympathetic and sympathetic, even if we don't have a clue as to what's going on.

Appropriate anger is best dealt with appropriate responses which address the issue at hand. When we handle anger in that manner, we avoid the toxic buildup called rage, and we end up living more in the moment, and less in our unresolved past.

#2 is against THE WORD OF GOD; DONOT LET THE SUN GO DOWN ON YOUR WRATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hello, yah its very unpleasant to have those feelings of being downhearted by being hurt and very angry why allowing people getting hurting us/. am also in that kind of experience that make my health cost me intogeting upset n self pity. but am trying to recover and b strong not allowing other people to that kind of abusive relationship . tkre talk to u soon again , more power