When you spend as much time huffing, puffing and perfecting the power squat as I do, you're bound to develop some pet-peeves at the gym. For the most part, the people who work out along side me are wonderful people (I'm sure) who just want to live stronger, healthier lives. But there are always those locker-room rejects that make the gym a less than awesome social-sphere. Here is my ode to the nebbishes of the NordicTrak:
Cellphone exercisers. That half hour you're spending on the elliptical at level -1 shouldn't come between you and your unlimited nighttime minutes. After all, talking is a good toner for your jaw muscles.
Group fitness gossips. I'm so glad that you had a great date with John, really, but do you honestly want a room of 20 strangers to know that he's not the best kisser? Let's give John his dignity back, and me, my ability to get through a spin class without images of Carrie running through my mind.
Too cool to clean guy. Loud shallow breathing and hot sweaty bodies can be incredibly sexy, just not in this environment, so if you could mop of the puddle of sweat you've left on the chest press machine that would be great. Thanks!
"Can I work in?" Guy. No you may not. This whole thing takes me like two minutes and there are a bajillion other big manly machines in here. I'm not going to change back to my modest 45 lbs. of resistance after you show off your big strong muscles by pulling down more than I weigh after Thanksgiving dinner. Please wait your turn, or work in with that guy over there, he likes in-working as well.
- Better than thou trainers. Yes you're cool, you get to wear the polo shirt with the gym logo, now can you please go do something besides crowd the water fountain?
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