This week "Lizzie" from Manhattan got in touch via formspring to share an issue that we can all relate to. When it comes to the "Dear Abiola" letters that come across my lifestyle advice inbox very few make me chuckle. I pride myself on being a (mostly) judgment-free zone. This one definitely made me smile, though.
Her letter read, "Dear Abiola, I am in an exciting new relationship for the first time in a while. This guy is my dream man. He is smart, funny, gainfully employed and fits in well with my friends and my family. We have a great deal in common but the best part is that we are extremely compatible in the bedroom as well. Maybe even a little too compatible. Every time he "visits" I find myself making more noise than I ever have in the past.
"Don't laugh. I live in a New York City apartment building where everyone literally lives on top of each other. My romantic yelps, squeals and moans are out of control. I guess that I've never felt so much orgasmic pleasure in my life. Then my new guy goes home and I'm left doing a walk of shame whenever I leave my own apartment. I feel like half of the neighbors are glaring at me and the other half are chuckling behind my back. What should I do?" The letter was signed "Loud Lizzie on the Lower East Side."
Loud Lizzie, as far as relationship problems go, consider yourself lucky. If the biggest sexual issue you have to complain about is that your man makes you feel incredible pleasure, then I salute you. Sexual issues are only equaled by money problems as the main reason why people break up. The fact that you are reaching new sexual heights is to be applauded. Brava, dollface.
OK, now let's talk about volume. You definitely do not want to dial back on the pleasure. You deserve to feel good. Passion and joy are beautiful, powerful and necessary. So short of moving to an isolated farm, what's a city chick to do?
First of all, from your neighbors' point of view, noise is noise. It doesn't matter whether you are screaming at the top of your lungs in anger or in pleasure, you are most likely creating a disturbance. It sounds as though you have thin walls. If this is the case you may consider some sort of sound-proofing.
Go to a hardware store and ask for the sound-proofing foam used on music studio walls. You may want to cover the ceiling and walls with acoustic panels and put a stylish, fabric wall treatment over that. In the meanwhile you can get a white noise machine to cover some of the sound. You can also play your favorite music and always keep your windows closed.
As for making the peace with any feathers you may have ruffled, consider buying baskets of fruit or inexpensive flowers to leave on the doorstep of the potentially offended neighbors or those who live closest to you. Include a personalized note that says "Compliments of the Season" with a smiley face. Good luck!
Love making is a beautiful thing. Enjoy it and consider yourself lucky. High five to your new dude, as well. As I always say be good, and if you can't be good be safe.
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