This is the worst time of the year for me. Oh, it's not the ghosts and goblins that seem to pop up in front of every house in my neighborhood. And it's not the witches and vampires and princesses that will be coming to my door soon.
No, I'm scared of the bag of teeny, tiny chocolate bars in my pantry.
I just can't resist it. Look, if there is chocolate in my house, I have to eat it. I must. It's like a biological urge to survive via caramel and chocolate. There cannot be a chocolate bar within 100 feet of my home that I cannot find using my super-chocolate senses.
Now, I have tried everything to resist the lure of gooey goodness in my pantry every October. I have tried buying candy I don't like. Turns out, there is not really any candy that I don't like, whether it contains chocolate or not. I mean, I will admit I'm not fond of Bottle Caps, but I still eat them.
I have tried buying my candy on Halloween at 4 PM. Do you know what's left at the grocery store on Halloween at 4 PM? Really gross stuff. And yet, by 5 PM, there I was in the kitchen mindlessly chewing on waxy vampire teeth. I don't even think you are supposed to eat those, are you?
I have tried hiding the candy from myself. Turns out, myself is smarter than I look. Apparently, hiding candy, then trying to forget where I hid it is impossible. And yet, I can never find my dang keys and I'm not even trying to hide them from myself. Go figure.
I have tried having my husband hide the candy at work. That worked great. Except he forgot to bring it home and there I was at 4 PM on Halloween, buying up all the icky candy in the store.
Of course, this isn't my fault. I mean, it's not like I don't have willpower or anything. I do. I am able to resist lots of stuff. I can resist my teenager nagging me for an X Box. I can resist my dogs nagging me for treats. I'm a mom. I am strong. I am nag proof.
But Halloween candy is evil. Once it gets into my pantry, it calls to me. I can hear it whisper "yum, yum" in the middle of the night. I can smell it every time I go into the kitchen. I swear to you, that candy has no shame. It wants me to break down and eat every last piece.
But this year, I refuse to answer the siren call of chocolate and caramel. I refuse to come running when the peanut butter cups in the pantry whisper my name. I refuse to eat the Starbursts and the Twizzlers and the Sweet Tarts and the assorted mini chocolate bars.
I will refuse them all. Right after I finish this bag of Rollos. After all, the bag was open already, so it's fair game, right? Right?
What about you? How do you resist the Halloween candy?
Laurie Sontag is a parenting guru who is navigating the wild waters of her son's teenage years by hiding in her closet waiting for puberty to be over. You can read more of her work at her blog, Manic Motherhood, and follow her on Twitter and Facebook.