All though we all have our favorite holiday songs, we've all had our ears pummeled by some really horrible holiday hits, too - especially since the advent of the 24-hour-a-day Christmas music channel. Here's a list of some of the most horrendous songs written about Santa and/or baby Jesus. (Or, in one case, an Italian Christmas donkey.) I've also included a list of songs that were nominated for both the best and worst lists. Add the Christmas songs that drive you crazy in the comments!
5. Santa Baby by Joan Javits, Philip Springer, and Fred Ebb as sung by Everclear, chosen by improviser Frank Hejl. More than one person I asked mentioned that Santa Baby should be on this list, saying things like, "Every one that sings it has a whiny voice and it makes me want to gouge out my ear drums with a blunt object!" I've heard Taylor Swift's version a lot this year, and though I think it's terrible, I have to agree that this rendition by Everclear has to be the most heinous I've ever listened to. But kudos to a straight dude for not being put off by the thought of calling Santa "baby."
4. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus by Tommie Connor sung by The Jackson Five, chosen by comedian Shannon Ennis. Shannon says, "I grew up thinking the mom was a cheat and Santa was an enabler. I was 20-something when I realized that Santa was THE DAD DRESSED AS SANTA." My friend Kelly echoes the same sentiment. "That song creeps me out. What a great message to kids - your mom's a ho and is getting it on with Santa." There's something particularly disturbing about hearing young Michael Jackson shouting, "I did! I really did see Mommy kissing Santa Claus! You just gotta believe me!," as if to say he'd be in big trouble with Joe if he were making the whole thing up.
3. Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer by Dr. Elmo. This song was also nominated multiple times as one of the worst Christmas songs in history. This remixed version makes the novelty tune a bit more palatable, but only because the scratching on it is awesome. The video itself reaches its horrifying peak at the 2:32 mark… and that's after some weird incest jokes.
2. Who Took the Merry Out of Christmas by Deanie Parker as sung by Donny Osmond, chosen by musical comedy duo Stuckey and Murray, whose song "Santa Claus Gave Me Diabetes" is well worth a listen, especially if you or someone you know has Type I.
The Staple Singers' recording of this Gospel/soul track is little known, but wonderful. Donny Osmond's version, on the other hand, is "Classic white man trying to do soul or funk and failing miserably," say Stuckey and Murray. "I wish I could see video of him in the studio singing this. No doubt he's white boy two stepping and snapping his fingers."
1. Dominic the Donkey by Richard Allen, Sam Saltzberg and Lou Monte, chosen by musical theatre actress Lea Oppedisano. This is one of those songs that strikes a chord in people and could likely hold a spot on either the best or worst list. Like a lot of things that have been created to celebrate Italian-American culture ("Kiss Me I'm Italian" t-shirts, hair gel, The Jersey Shore), this song is cute at first, but annoying when overexposed.
For 5 more of the worst Christmas songs ever, visit Babble's Strollerderby.
Which songs do you think should have made the list?
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