As you head into Valentine's Day, do you find yourself in a new relationship with a guy who's not "the one"? If you're looking for a way to kick him to the curb, Valentine's Day may be the perfect opportunity. After all, the best way to persuade a guy to do something - like end a relationship - is to convince him that it's his idea.
In the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, writer Andie Anderson (Kate Hudson) sets out to write about the mistakes women make that drive men away. She conducts her field research by snagging a new boyfriend (Matthew McConaughey) and subsequently trying to scare him away through a series of actions that are outrageously inappropriate to their new relationship. In that same vein, here are eight outrageously inappropriate actions that will help you "lose a guy on Valentine's Day."
Text or Facebook him every hour
Very few guys like a "clinger." He might appreciate one "Happy Valentine's Day" on his Facebook wall or a "Can't wait to see you later" text message, but if you're trying to get rid of him, go overboard. Send him an increasingly desperate-sounding message every hour until your date - if you even end up having one after that stunt.
Record him a mix of over-the-top love songs
Giving your long-term boyfriend a mix of special songs on your one-year anniversary is one thing. Giving your brand new boyfriend a mix of extra-sappy love songs on your first Valentine's Day together might just end the relationship. "I Will Always Love You," "I'm Your Lady," and "Endless Love" should do the trick.
Invite his mom and dad over for dinner
Even if he gets along great with his parents, having his brand new girlfriend invite them to join in on Valentine's Day dinner will certainly throw him for a loop. If you actually get to the double date with his parents (which is highly unlikely), you can act so embarrassingly attached to him or bring up enough awkward truths or untruths about yourself (or him) that if he doesn't break up with you himself, his parents might do it for him.
Send him flowers at work
Although it should theoretically be appropriate for a woman to send a man flowers at work, society isn't quite there yet. From the receptionist who delivers them, to the coworkers who chuckle as they pass his desk, the whole experience will be so mortifying for him that you might just lose your guy on Valentine's Day.
Insist on watching a marathon of chick flicks
When he asks what you want to do for Valentine's Day, adamantly insist that you must watch a marathon of chick flicks. If he actually makes it over to your house (and kudos to you if that happens), put in "just one more" DVD after each ends. Start with a bearable movie, like "The Proposal," and work your way up to "Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood" and "The Notebook."
Create an artistic rendition of him
As your Valentine's Day gift, create a painting, drawing, sculpture, or even abstract rendition of him. You could present it to him when you get together for your Valentine's Day date, or, better yet, make him pose for an agonizingly long time while you capture his likeness. Make it your worst piece of art to date and insist that he prominently display it in his home.
Give him the gift of poetry
Write him a romantic poem that expresses the depth of your feelings for him, the hope you have for your future, and how lost you were without him. If you want to make an extra impact, do a dramatic reading of the poem - if you can, without laughing. Send a copy of the poem home with him as he flees out your door.
Talk about marriage
If all else fails, pull out your trump card. Whether subtly or not so subtly, indicate that you'd like to spend the rest of your life with him. Ask him questions about kids over dinner, nudge him when the couple in your chick flick gets married, and ask for his opinion on whether you should keep your maiden name when you get married. Things will feel like they're moving so quickly that he'll move quickly on from you.
If one of these actions doesn't work, try another. If you don't scare your guy on Valentine's Day, then he might not just be crazy about you - he might be just plain crazy. And if you're not trying to lose your new guy - then make sure to take the opposite of my advice!
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