10 Reasons Guys Aren't Approaching You

I agree with this info since there are parties I get approached alot and there are parties I don't get approached at at all. I can see these patterns mentioned and thanks to this article I know what to do from now on. It makes sense.

I guess the too hot one is for me,(not being egotistic) I give men plenty of opportunity, and I'm nice to everyone, and people always tell me i look happy, I don't have a lot of friends in general because I can't stand the drama of other girls, so I guess that means I should go up to them myself?

My pennies worth.

Everyone, man or woman has feelings, and is in someway or at some time vulnerable and emotional.
Sadly, the mistakes all too many people make is that they take their own negativity and pain from past experiences and project it forward and onto others. The outcome of this is most likely negative and is likely to self perpetuate.

It is usually people with problems that bring the most to the table in forums like this one, sadly it is often those people who want to inspire pain in others that they feel in themselves. If you understand what i'm trying to say is, break the circle and lighten up :)

Now, we all have our own experiences and the world is a changing place so the need to adapt is of primary importance. I'd like to throw a few things into the mix from personal experience in the hope that someone reads this and gains in a positive way without feeling upset, angry or dissempowered.

I am a man of early thirties, and i've both approached women and (more often) get approached by women.

In my experience, when an attractive woman approaches me, I feel very self concious, I feel a little defensive, I feel like i'm about to be scammed or setup in some way, I feel scared, my anxiety level increases tenfold and I just want the experience to end as soon as possible and I want to be anywhere else except the current situation. What the woman says or how she looks doesn't really register at the time.

Its then after the dust settles and I have time to think about it, its usually then that I feel flattered and may actually start to consider that person in a more favourable light.

Now, my reaction is no doubt born from personal experience combined with natural instinct that maybe somewhat maligned with this modern world in which we live. But, I bet some people, men and women may be able to identify with some of the feelings I mentioned above when confronted with a similar situation.

Humans can detect rejection and the feelings associated with that very early on, perhaps sooner than you might think. For may people to muster up the courage to approach someone is not always easy and almost any hint of negative outcome will put them off even trying. The original post attempts to address some of those things.

How many people out there deep down want to be approached but in reality it actually makes them feel uncomfortable at the time (for whatever reason) ? and what signals are these people sending out ?

This leads me to think that its actually much easier to do the approaching. If you are not getting approached at all, its highly likely that you are putting out negatives, perhaps in ways you are not even aware of.

Turn that around, pick yourself up, go do some approaching, sure you may get rejected, but you may find yourself up against someone not that different to yourself, in which case you may very well be onto something :)

A quick tip if your really shy and/or the person in your sights maybe shy : write your phone number on a piece of paper (business cards can send the wrong signals), do this before you approach them.

Pick your moment and pass them the paper, offer a smile and say something short and to the point and then be gone. The initial reaction of that person is most likely not going to be the same feeling they have later on or a few days after when they then realize destiny in their own hands !

The most success I had in approaching, was using the low quality 'can I have your phone number ?', it worked more often than not.

"Pay attention to your actions when you're out. If you want guys to approach you, are you making it easy on them-are you available ?"

Red flag, right there. This article basically reinforces minimal effort, not only on the ladies' part but on the males. In other words, encourages one to be lazy and become a slacker when it comes to courtship. What I find this article is really saying is that because men find it such a challenge to approach women in (almost, if not all) any given situation, it is now pointing fingers at the women to do their part as if they haven't done theirs already by simply LOOKING available and EASY on the eyes to be preyed by predatory males.

I'm not going to say I'm an expert on all of this but after reading many of the comments posted by people on here and refering back to the article, it's unfortunate that some people will just continue to disagree on this and that and may never come to terms on solving those disagreements. Some guys totally agree that women need to do their part in being approached and this is mainly putting emphasis on MAKING IT EASIER FOR THEM as opposed to what the norm believes that men (in general and what's really their nature) LIKE THE CHALLENGE.

I also see why some men would approve of the list of things that the author proposes to be beneficial for the women to consider because A) they don't have to analyze so much on non-verbal acts, so not a lot of mind-reading and sweating over things that just dont make any sense, B) it totally gives them an ego boost since the attention will be now on them, C) it takes the pressure of being the instigator and the risks involved, and finally D) it's only fair that the tables are turned instead of sticking to traditional rules that they've witnessed time and time again to be a successful failure in their own lives.

On the other hand, if women made the choice to do those list of things to "make it easy for the guys to approach" so that they don't have to work so hard, will this cause men to become less insecure and start admiring women for their valiant efforts on being easy targets... OR... will this system end up backfiring on the account that they almost find it pointless to go out with women who make themselves too approachable, therefore, eliminating mysterious appeal? (which is what I thought would capture men's motivation to chase or hunt rather than be hunted)

true but also maybe because a girl wants a guy but to shy or maybe because her bff are dudes..

Winnie all you have to do is read about what guys have to do to be successful with women and you'll see what we have to do. I'll tell you that its alot more than nothing.

Forgive me if I laugh for a brief moment only to have my face wrinkle in sadness. IF any of this is to be taken as truth...then the reason I'm single is because I'm unattractive. Now I can look my girlfriends in the eye and say "I told you so."

You'll are reading too much into this. These are merely suggestions to women who are wondering why they might be unapproachable. He's not saying in order to be approachable you have to do ALL of these things, no he's saying in order to increase your chances of being approached you can try these things.

11. You are pointless and annoying: Get a hobby, spend some time off your phone with your female friends and find something you like to do by yourself. Find and activity that you and you alone like to do that may accommodate a male doing the same thing with you at some point.

12. Your reputation precedes you: When you have separated from your pack, your choices for people to be around are not rooted in research of their character, or it was simply for hot whacko sex (with a whacko). That only makes you whack too. Pay attention. Limit your exposure to people who are causing problems with/for others around them. Get your life on some sort of track so that you're not easily led in whatever direction someone wants to pull you in.

13. You're on stage at the strip club: If you use sex to gain attention and money, then there's really not much else going on with you in the brain. You're not a good conversation because that life is only filled with drama, and any man worth his salt ABHORS drama. I'm also not a customer, so I'm hearing about your stage performance second-hand from a solid source - if I have to validate the information instead of you disclosing it, that's a negative mark.

14. I work with you: If I like my job, I will in no way be willing to jeopardize its security for an insecure relationship with you. If I don't care about keeping my job, I've already shot at you. In these harder economic times, you're less likely to strike up an office romance.

15. I live in your neighborhood/building: You have knowledge of where I live. It's convenient for us to get together because the distance isn't far to get there, AND it's convenient for you to destroy/rob/set ablaze/terrorize me in my home if the relationship goes sour.

16. I've seen your myspace profile: ...and you're an attention w---- and/or a real w----

17. You're kissing up on a girl: Not everyone finds faux-lesbianism sexy.

18. You're obese: Not "a little overweight," not "phat," not "thick," not "BBW." You stopped caring about your own health, and that tells me you would care even less about the health of my children. Your not about continuous self-improvement and nobody worth their salt is not about continuous self-improvement.

this article is spot on from the average mans point of view, if you are a women you just wouldn't get it.

Okay i know this is ridiculous because i'm a man and i know what finger the stupid wedding ring goes on. And yeah, most guys SHOULDN'T get married because its signing a legal document saying that u love someone? didn't you already establish that? Plus these girls will get half our EVERYTHING. Alter yourselves and men don't? Are you kidding me? Guys have to put up with the complaining and the u don't ever do what bill across the way does.. Winnie is obviously FAT! hahaha 5'2 150 omg look out rhino, and she says guys approach her, what guys? and where are u with your herd of fat friends when guys approach you, the star wars convention? I have no problem approaching a girl i like, but i would rather it be someone that i can connect with than someone i think is omg so hot or can't stop talking about the latest fashion news. i don't care. Oh lakers won, sweet! Find a girl that can connect with what you like and you're set. Guys that can't carry a conversation apply to this article. Time to go get some, good nite!

I actually think this list is right on. Thanks for sharing a man's point of view.

Winnie actually hit the nail on the head! If a man wants to approach me, he'll just approach me because I'm the one he wants to talk to no matter what I'm doing or no matter what state of being I'm in. I am who I am and if a man can't except that then he shouldn't talk to me. And I would think that when a man sees something he wants he would go for it without letting anything stop him. Life's way too to short to let things pass you by or to play games, especially when you're trying to play by some one else's rules.

Winnie has excellent points, unfortunately, guys are not scrolling the bar for a life mate based solely on looks. Guys simply look for an attractive girl who would be easy to talk to, just to see where things are going. It isn't like we are afraid to approach certain females rather it comes down to path of least resistance. If a girl has rings on why bother when there is a girl with no rings on. When it comes down to it the girls we are looking to approach are the ones that are eye flirting with us, they make it easy for us to understand their intentions. If I smile at you, nod and you look away, it tells me your not interested and I shouldn't waste my time. If I smile at you, nod and you look right back smile, lets me know your interested, especially if you hold eye contact.

If your out looking for a possible mate, then keep an eye out at all the guys scroll them, if you see one looking at you look back. Easy signs that let a guy know your interested:
Nod, Smile, Wave, lick your lips all while staring at the guy. It takes a real pansy or a commited man not to walk up to a lady after that and ask for a number. In fact some girls screw with guys in this manner, just to get them to walk up very funny stuff.

#1 is legitimate; hard to get in there without a wingman or wingmen.
#2 Grow some balls, Man! You are resigning yourself to Women you are not attracted to. It shows courage to approach a Beautiful Woman, particularly knowing that most guys just don't have the courage, you're chances are better.
#3 Agreed. Self control is a necessity.
#4 Depends on how sloppy. A lot of beautiful Women who do not feel like having cowardly Men drool and stare w/o having the guts to be approached. I find it a Good thing to approach a Woman who is dressed casually, as she will be all the more flattered that you found her attractive without her having to take hours to push, lift and paint everything.
#5 Agreed. Confidence is a must for both parties.
#6 Again, grow some balls, Man. You will find out quick enough what that capacity is. Sheesh.
#7 Same as above- you don't have to come across like a lounge lizard; you may even make a hot female friend who has single, available friends.
#8 True, though only to an extent. If I'm that interested, I will find a polite way to converse. More often than not, they're just bored. You can read a book or check an e-mail at home, you go out to interact with people.
#9 Again True, though only to an extent. If you're that interested, you'll find a way (this goes for the ladies, too!).
#10 C'mon, guy! if you can't even maneuver around tables and chairs, how will you maneuver around the female form?

Most issues between sexes are really just Human issues; they apply towards both sexes. Generally, tradition has cast us Men in a stereotypical "Hunter" role, which only necessitates that we need to be more willing to take the initiative. Which brings me to the main point, Rich: take the initiative, stop being a coward controlled by a fear of rejection.

Life is for living!

To Jill: Thanks. :) I get where you're coming from, and when I'm out I DO feel attractive and outgoing, but the truth is that I am clinically, technically, honestly fat. I wear it better than some, but I do take up more space than many. No one can help to whom they're attracted, so I have no hard feelings against the entire male species or anything. I don't date those I'm not attracted to either. If you're out having a good time, you're having a good time whether someone hits on you or not. That's the point. Have fun, and if Mr. Right (or Mr. Right-Now) shows up, ok. If not, you're still living life to the fullest. I doubt MOST relationships are built in bars anyway. :)

ok why is it that when you date the women just loves you for you and likes your friends but the day you get married they set about trying to change you( mmm mold you into someone else) heck if you liked us when dating why ya trying to change us all the time then we have to give up our friends especially the single ones go figure

okay i'm soooo confused! first if i look too hot you feel like you don't have a chance in hell, but if i dumb it down "slopy" then i don't have chance in hell?! And they say we don't know what makes us happy! My goodness! When we are straight to the point and let you know hey I like you then guys seem to be turned off, but if we don't laugh at every joke or smile you think we're bitches?! Seriously men don't know anymore than we do what the hell we want!

Winnie you're my hero cause you hit the nail on the head!

I , for one , have a hard time approaching woman. Mainly for my own reasons, like i have nothin to offer. im 23 years old, and i still live with my parents ( do to past relationship issue's), but i work and have an EXELLENT job and i make great money and im happy as an individual , even if i was on my own again i would still be comfortable and worrie free. the problem with this article, and which is the reason why woman have a problem with it, is because its TRUE! Now, i can handle my own reasons and overcome them when i feel the time is right, i for one do get approached alot , but i blow these girls off because they seem FAKE, BUT, my point is, the only way a guy/girl will approach you, is if you are willing to open yourself up out their because you are looking. Most of the time, when woman and men play the hard to get factor, its because they arent looking for any level of intimacy, for their own reasons, which must be respected. Other than my personal reasons, when i do go out, i can pretty much pick up the vibes woman give, if they blow me off, i smile and walk hard and respect them because i may not be what they want, if i blow them off, its because i'll know your just not my type. BOTTOM LINE AND NOR HARD FEELINGS! but reffering to the article, and finally, the reason why woman play so hard to get, is , and i think, because they want to give a challenge, may the best man win fella's