Granny pantiesEvery marriage has its ups and downs. There are some things that are incredibly difficult to overcome: Infidelity. Grand larceny. Spandex.
Thankfully not every marriage or relationship hits such extremes. But there are plenty of situations where women truly put their guy to the test. Here's a look at some of the things you do that could send us running for the hills.
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Cursing at us during childbirth - Giving birth is one of nature's most beautiful miracles. It's also messy, loud, and painful. I'm talking about for the dads here. Moms often scream bloody murder at us for causing this whole thing and shout expletives we didn't even know they had in their vocabulary. Then they practically break every bone in our hands with their Hulk-like grip during labor. And don't get me started on watching body parts coming out of body parts and all the blood ... I know - I know. It's nothing compared to actually having a baby.
Preserve my sanity - Once a month, many of the women in our lives go through a diabolical change to their very core. Our sweet, sweet soulmates turn into impatient, short-tempered She Beasts ... all thanks to Mother Nature. Why does she do this to us? We don't know. But yes indeed, getting your period sucks. For everyone in a 10-mile radius. Kind of like it must be for women when their guys' favorite team loses.
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Aisle 9 - PMSing is only half the battle for us guys. The other half is when you ask us to go to the store to pick up pads or tampons for you. Not only is it embarrassing, but come on, those things come in all sorts of crazy shapes and sizes. How are we supposed to know which maxis with wings you want? And seriously, there's just no way for a guy to look cool holding a stack of those in the check-out line. Remember, we do have an image to protect.
Making us zone out - It doesn't matter if we ask you to explain in full detail about your entire childhood, or simply want you to pass the salt, the results are the same. Women love to tell super long stories with oodles and oodles of details. Theyalsolovetotellitsuperfast which just further confuses us guys and makes us completely zone out. Kind of like when we explain the rules of football to you. Or talk about how great that parking space we found is.
Talk it out - Speaking of talking... every time there's an argument, why does it have to take a detour into a crazy-long discussion? Heck, just pointing out that all arguments result in long talks will inevitably result in yet another long talk.
You use weapons of mass destruction - No, I'm not talking about actual weapons or sex or even various body parts you know will leave us speechless. I'm talking about the one weapon more powerful than Kryptonite to Superman: crying. When women start with the waterworks, men just completely and utterly break down. To be honest, when we see a woman crying, there's some weird chemical reaction in our body that causes an insane amount of discomfort akin to waterboarding and we'll do whatever it takes to dry those tears.
You wear granny panties - Nobody should be caught dead in these. Not even Granny herself. Okay, fine. If it'll even things out, we'll toss out our Captain America Underoos and banana hammock Speedos.
Are you ready yet? - Somehow women have mastered the ability to devour time. It may be an hour before it's time to leave for a big night at the theater, and yet, two or three hours can go by before they're ready to go. Does it really take that long to shower, get dressed, and slap on some lipstick? We guys shower, shave, and toss on some clothes in about 20 minutes. Fine, so it looks like it too, but at least we won't miss the opening number.
Chocolate addiction - I've heard that some women prefer chocolate to sex. What if it's sex with Willy Wonka, though?
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Long emails - Besides the talky talk problem I mentioned above, there's the written version, as well. Also known as the email. Instead of a quick, one-sentence email asking a question or stating a fact, we get three or four paragraphs worth of emails describing everything that's happened. That includes things that are happening while the email's being written. And if we don't answer promptly, it might be time for another lengthy argument. Of course, if our sweeties want to talk about Fantasy Football, you better believe we'll be quick to respond with a 5,000-word reply.
What do you do that really pushes your guy to the limit?
Image via Bob n Renee/Flickr
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