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    10 Totally Creepy and Odd Vintage Valentines

    By Babble.com | Love + Sex – Fri, Feb 10, 2012 1:59 PM EST

    If you love someone, do not, I repeat, do not present them with a Valentine's Day card like one of these. Unless they happen to be really into guns, being tied up, and/or cannibalism…then these very odd, totally creepy Valentine's Day cards will be RIGHT up their alley.

    But in defense of these cards, it must be noted that they are all vintage examples. They all come from a time where images of kids with guns, or joking about suicide, or hitting a woman over the head with a bat didn't raise as many politically correct eyebrows as they would now. Some of them are odd by accident, others are just totally bizarre, no matter what era they are from.

    Be yours? Uh, no thanks.Be yours? Uh, no thanks.
    Cannibalism
    Nothing says love more than the threat of cannibalism.

    Related: 14 recipes for a vegan Valentine's

     Be yours? Uh, no thanks.Be yours? Uh, no thanks.
    Gun Toting Tot
    His gun says "I Aim to Please You." Really, who would be pleased with a gun pointed at them?

    Be yours? Uh, no thanks.Be yours? Uh, no thanks.
    Can You Say Stalker?
    The card says, "You built a wall so fast and strong, but with my magic ray it won't last long!" Yeah, this just says stalker with secret powers to me.

    Be yours? Uh, no thanks.Be yours? Uh, no thanks.
    Banana
    Yes, it's just a banana, but a very phallic banana.

    Related: 25 decadent chocolate recipes for Valentine's Day

    Be yours? Uh, no thanks.Be yours? Uh, no thanks.
    Sexist
    Then you have the slave girl card. "I'll take Orders from you anytime!" Yeah, you wouldn't see any woman buying this card now-and-days.

    Be yours? Uh, no thanks.Be yours? Uh, no thanks.
    The Worm May Turn
    Wow. A total threat. "You'd better treat me right. Tho' you're the apple of my eye - there's others still in sight." Ouch.

    Be yours? Uh, no thanks.Be yours? Uh, no thanks.
    Skin Condition
    Nothing says romance more than a full-on rash.

    Related: 20 Valentine's Day gifts he'll never expect

    Be yours? Uh, no thanks.Be yours? Uh, no thanks.
    Suicide Attempt Card
    At least there was a happy ending.

    Be yours? Uh, no thanks.Be yours? Uh, no thanks.
    Bestiality
    The cow is saying "Love Me" and the message says "Can't I bring you to your knees too?" But the placement of the cowgirl, well that's just weird.

    Be yours? Uh, no thanks.Be yours? Uh, no thanks.
    Eat Fuzzy Warms
    Like who do you give this to? If you gave it to someone, it would just be so, so mean.

    For 10 more totally creepy and odd vintage valentines, visit Babble

    MORE ON BABBLE

    Tying the knot: 15 homemade Valentine's pretzels
    8 X- and O- shaped foods for hugs and kisses
    8 Valentine's recipes that are low on sugar but still sweet
    10 out-of-the-box valentines for your kid's classroom party
    7 surprisingly romantic donuts for your valentine

    Babble | Babble.comStay connected. Follow Babble on Facebook and Twitter.

     

    33 comments

    • Billy Burt
      Billy Burt  •  3 months ago
      You know I think I gave out some of those "creepy" cards in my 3rd Grade class (c. 1953). Talk about a stroll down Memory Lane! No sense of humor these days! Everything is "Politically Correct!" [SNARF] it! Happy Valentines Day to all those who still have humor enough to see these "creepy" cards AREN'T.
      • Doggone it
        Doggone it 3 months ago
        It must be our age, Billy. I remember giving out some of these too. Although I didn't like the "Nobody loves me" card and remember taking that one out of the box and not giving it out. I wonder what Valentines for kids look like now - or if if is sexual harassment to give them out like we used to - one to each child in your class.
    • Andrea
      Andrea  •  Boynton Beach, Florida  •  3 months ago
      I loved these cards and thought they were funny...especially the "you're sweet enough to eat..."
      • FLF
        FLF 3 months ago
        Is it cannibalism or double entendre?
      • swimmer
        swimmer 3 months ago
        yes i was thinking they could be alluding to oral sex maybe? lol
      • Silencio
        Silencio 3 months ago
        @swimmer; lmao...good one! I had not thought of it that way...and I'm a dirty minded girl ;-) lol
    • Jimmys Mom
      Jimmys Mom  •  3 months ago
      I think whoever found these cards creepy has a very over-active imagination. "What you look for you will find" fits the description of the person who wrote this article.
    • joe blow
      joe blow  •  3 months ago
      Fun Cards!
    • liliflowers
      liliflowers  •  Centralia, Illinois  •  3 months ago
      I wish they made more banana cards! LOL! That one is my favorite! I would totally give that to many people and watch them writhe with embarrassment!
    • Baily
      Baily  •  3 months ago
      These were so funny
    • strange_raspberry
      strange_raspberry  •  3 months ago
      I actually like the first one.
      • MelissaR
        MelissaR 3 months ago
        I like your name - a lot.
    • N Y
      N Y  •  3 months ago
      I would love to give one of these cards to my boyfriend. He would think they were hilarious.
    • RFK
      RFK  •  3 months ago
      My favorite was the card Letterman presented for older married couples: "When I think of all the years we've been together..." [open] "I long for the release death will bring."
    • a mom
      a mom  •  3 months ago
      glad that wasn't a cowboy on that card....lol
      • Tomal
        Tomal 3 months ago
        nice comnt..........A Mom
    • glenous
      glenous  •  Memphis, Tennessee  •  3 months ago
      loved them,i want all ten.
    • tonya
      tonya  •  3 months ago
      That "sexist" card? I know PLENTY of women who'd like to give that one! Heck, I'd happily give it to the man I love!

      And I never saw the one about being tied up? 'cuz believe me, those same gals who live to serve also enjoy being tied!
    • Silencio
      Silencio  •  3 months ago
      Hilarious cards…lol But as far as the; “Yeah, you wouldn't see any woman buying this card now-and-days.” WRONG…I would so give that to WARD. Because I aim to please him I'll take Orders from him anytime! ;-)
      • swimmer
        swimmer 3 months ago
        what i think they meant to say was "now a days" duh!! stupid people can't spell. you'd think they would proofread this stuff before publishing it.
      • Amanda
        Amanda 3 months ago
        I bet a lot of women would buy that card now a days. It seems more sexy/kinky than anything sexist.
      • tonya
        tonya 3 months ago
        ABSOLUTELY, Amanda!!! That's why so many of my friends would be happy to gift it!
    • jayraff66
      jayraff66  •  Strattanville, Pennsylvania  •  3 months ago
      i like them alot! i would buy them and hand them out :) lighten up Yahoo
    • Jeff
      Jeff  •  Houston, Texas  •  3 months ago
      I think these days we're definitely more prone to seeing something as sexual or creepy. My grandfather told my grandmother on the night they met, "I'm gonna marry you." Of course, she thought he was joking at the time, but eventually he did--and they stayed married for 62 years. I wouldn't recommend trying it today, though.
    • Mary
      Mary  •  3 months ago
      nothing i would personally say...but these cards are funny.
    • Tims
      Tims  •  3 months ago
      i like jamie pressley and zoe saldana!!
    • Rod Hardmann
      Rod Hardmann  •  3 months ago
      Even though the "slave girl" is actually a WAITRESS- who writes these articles anyway- idiots?- I still found myself powerfully aroused. I'll be giving MY Valentine something extra special kinky tomorow.
    • 1uluv2h8
      1uluv2h8  •  Bellevue, Washington  •  3 months ago
      Hilarious! I especially liked the "sexist"one
    • Keeper
      Keeper  •  Albuquerque, New Mexico  •  3 months ago
      NICE.....
     Post a comment

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