15 Women On Why They Say "No" To Marriage

I was married for 15 years ago, divorced for 5 years and now with a new guy who talks about marriage and my mouth and throat goes try every time he brings it up, so the plain truth of it is that I will not get married again and think it's such a waste of time, easy getting into it and hard getting out and I am still trying to get my ex-husband last name of everything and it was the worst thing I could have ever done. I am fine with the last name they gave me at birth and will continue to try and remove my ex's last name.

Sad. Really sad.

A "piece of paper" does not make you married. A life-long, legally-binding, vow-sealed commitment does. That happens BEFORE you get married. The wedding is not the marriage; it's just a chance for your family and friends to bless the union - and thus to deepen it and make it more permanent.

The truth is that people who have multiple sexual partners throughout their lives or who live with partners to whom they are not married are declaring publicly that they had no faith that the relationship will last. Indeed, they are declaring that life-long commitment is overrated. It has been shown statistically over and over again that the biggest predictors of divorce are having divorced parents and living together before you are married.

I don't care what the trashy folk do. They are welcome to have multiple partners, live with anyone, raise b------ s all they want. However, marriage, the true meaning of marriage, is not lost on me. I respected myself and my husband by having only one partner in my life, by waiting to live together until our wedding, and by sealing our commitment with public vows. Because that's what civilized adults do.

Also, Vodvine, I do agree with you on that if he asks her to marry him they should be ready to get married right away. I never understood indefinite engagements. If you have to save for three years for a wedding you can't afford it. Keep it simple and intimate for goodness sake

Having been with my SO for 20+ years, I read this with interest and may return with more comments, but for now (reading at the end of my lunch hour).

Meehgan....if you are worried about the petty fights associated with planning a wedding, wait until the two of you build/buy/remodel a house. Those same petty details that caused the two of you to fight will arise again when you start looking at carpet, flooring, fixtures etc! It's about compromise, blending expectations vs actions and a myriad of other decisions that can drive each of you up a wall.

Just something to think about. :)

Great article.

Mysterious Gryphon:

Are you serious? So, because we don't do what YOU believe is right, we're all uncivilized, trashy folk? So "the chance for your family and friends to bless the union" ceremony is worth the excess of $10,000+??? Then why to ppl overspend for dresses, flowers, etc, if it's all about family and friends blessing the union?? They can do that minus all the "extravaganza" of a wedding.

Look, put simply, everything in this article, is their opinion and THEIR life. For you to say, that "anyone who has multiple partners or lives with partners out of wedlock and won't marry means you have no faith in the relationship, is utter bullsh*t. Period. it's just your opinion and it is NOT a fact. I'm glad you're happy...but all these people were saying is that they are just as happy NOT being like you.

So just take about 5 steps back and smack yourself for thinking you know it all.

VODWINE: Excellent points!

My feeling is that marriage is out dated... If you love someone you should be able to commit yourself to that person without having a piece of paper telling you that your going to be committed and monogamous, by the pure power of sheer love & devotion should be enough... and if you do get married it shouldn't be for any of the governmental benefits that come with it. It also should have to be renewed every year, so if the other person decides that they no longer want to be with that person they can leave without all the hassle of getting a divorse. [ always an exception with kids... kids should be taken care of even after the split. ( its an obligation)]. Its only natural as time goes by people tend to change in thier thoughts, priotities, beliefs and just gradually become more wise or evolve .... its not about becoming " bored " wiht the other person even though that might happen. also, you should go into a marriage with what you have and leave with what you came in with, even in marriage a person should be independent and self sufficient for those unexpected life occurances.

People change as they get older and their priorities and values can change as well. The divorce rate has gone up unbelievably over the years... knowing this how can you not at least think or consider a prenuptual agreement if your thinking about getting married? I know people think its a horrible thing to think about or even bring up a prenup in a discussion about marriage, but just as people say that if you love and trust that person you wouldn't have to have one; In the same token if you have to have that piece of paper saying your married isn't that not trusting them that they will be faithful, committed and monogomous? If you want someone to sign a mariage certificate, then sign a prenup as a show of true intentioins... in the end if you stay together, the prenup will not matter anyways.

You need to be realistic and responsible going into a relationship. Just as you should think about your future as you grow up ( college, career, kids, retirement & a will after death ) and the consequences of your actions in life.

There is a reason that divorce was created... Should people stay in a marriage that is failing or abusive? The reality is that it happens and needs to be discussed or should divorce be illegal almost like how the catholic religion.... people don't believe in divorce and their religion prohibits it... ( THATS CRAZY ! ) what they should just stay in the relationship and hate eachother !?

Marriage ultimatums should never be given. I think they are manipulative. If you really cared for someone and loved them you wouldn't care if your married to them or not , you should be happy to be with them no matter what.They should want to be with you no matter what, and if they dont , then they were not the one. I am of the open mind that if they want to be with me and stay with me they can out of their own free will and I accept them for that, but if they feel that for them they need to get married to stay and be with me to love me than its their choice and decision to leave and they are given themselves their own "ultimatum", and thats what I call ethical and logical... Letting others choose & decide for themselves what is best for them.

This is how I see it....Does the time that someone asks the other one to marry them and the point where they get married... what changes....?.... do they fall even more in love ? I would think that as soon as you are to the point where you are about to want to ask for marriage you are already at the highest point of love and you have already made a commitment to them and YOURSELF TO THEM just by letting yourself fall in love with them.... So what is the point to getting married? Do you now love them even more after you get married? If thats so, then you really shouldn't have asked them to marry you until you have already reached that pinnacle point of love, right?

I think a more significant way if you wanted to show your love would be to cut off one of your limbs....NOW THATS COMMITMENT & show of how much you love someone! People say that they would die for that person...Dont you think?...lol.... but seriously, I think getting married has been shown to not be much of a sign of love or commitment with all the Divorces and Infidelity that happens now a days.... I think it shows and SAYS more to the world if a couple have and can stay together and be happy without any of the "documents" that go along with getting married... I think it shows that NO MATTER what, I love you and NOTHING is OR has changed my mind over the years.... I have been faithfull and honored you without ANY FORMAL commitment contract or declaratioin.... JUST BECAUSE MY LOVE IS STRONGER AND MORE STEADFAST THAN ANY PIECE OF PAPER COULD POSSIBLEY SAY OR SHOW YOU! Im with you because I chose and wanted to. I guess Some people need help with commitment and need to have a formal contract structure to maintain and keep a long term relationship, while others have the integrity of character and moral ethical code of conduct in which they adhere to in a relationship and don't need a piece of paper to tell them whats right or how to love or what love is.

I believe that it says more about the integrity of two peoples love who can stay together without the binds of a legal contract than people who enter into marriage needing that security and document to keep them there. I would never let a superficial thing like a marriage certificate be the reason to sacrifice & deprive yourself of love and happiness? I think if they are wanting to stay with you out of their own free-will & liberty. I think thats True love. I think if you know that the other person can't just go off and marry someone else, then taken the other person for granted very well may happen... Sure it has a lot to do with respect and maturity as well, but people get complacent & fall into a comfort zone when they feel that they don't have anything to lose or at least its very difficult and possibly expensive to do anything about it. I believe knowing that the other person has the choice to walk away if the other feels that they are being taken for granted keeps things lively and they stay more attentive. Relationships are work. You can't rest on your laurels.

If your love is truly unconditional for them, then there should be no need to have to validate it. If you need that ceremony to be with them, then maybe you shouldn't be getting married in the first place. Why shame and judge a person for genuinely accepting the person they love for who they are and the relationship they are in? Who is the "desperate" one? the one that gives ultimatums for marriage or the one that is satisfied and happy with being with the person they love no matter what...? and labels shouldn't & don't matter when it comes to loving someone. There are plenty of "labels" out there that get thrown around...they are superficial. As with labels in the work place, they only signify pay grade... I hope thats not the same thing that woman see as well in getting married.. Why is it that its okay when its a womans want, but when its something a guy prefers its viewed as being selfish..? Who is actually beng the selfish one? A person who can compromise and be with someone out of pure love and devotion, or somone who NEEDS that document to be with that person or its Nothing? I would question motive and sincerity in a person who can be that selfish and "demanding".

Getting married has never and will never be able to control the free-will of a people. Commitment is a personal moral conviction that you choose to value and that does say a lot about a persons character & integrity, but unlike a child and parent relaltionship, two unrelated individuals who are in a relationship have expectations and conditions that they expect the other to live up to & honor. If you need a contract to live up to your obligations to be honest, trusting & faithful, then I would say that should tell you a lot about the persons will power and self control issues if they need that to keep them together... We all know that people are fickle, fallible and priorities change as people mature, so why enter into a binding contract that makes people have to endure a possible unhappy union and make them struggle fight and "laywer up" to separate from eachother??? Should the government have the power in your relationship to grant two people to stay together or not? I believe that is interfering and encroaching on our individual liberty to pursue happiness. We should nto have to ask our government for permission to enter into a committed monogomous relationshhip or grant us a divorce from it.

Being "grown up" is about being independent, ( not relying on the government to act as your surrogate parent to make you do what your supposed to do ) living on your own and being able to make the right choices for yourself and living up to your responsibilities as a mature adult.

A marriage certificate is like a business contract of ownership of property (the person) in control of everything they do. You have no free-will unless the other person gives you permission to do so, and if they are unsatisfied with them not "OBEYing" their wishes they file charges of displeasurement, go to court and are entitled to compensation for them "sacrificing" their services to you that you thought were given voluntarily and out of care, love and kindness and didn't have strings attached. Marriage is not commitment ( that has been shown & proven ), and commitment is not marriage. Commitment is proof through action, and getting married is only an elaborate, superficial charade way of trying to show and prove your commitment to another through a one time only "thinly veiled" ceremonial act.

Love should be unconditional and without restrictioins. When you put expectations on someone it only leads to disappointment. People are fallible. Some people think it's holding on that makes one strong- sometimes it's letting go. love is knowing when to let go sometimes and just like the one saying goes; if it comes back to you after being set free ( free-will ) then you know its yours and true... And thats what I call love. Letting someone be free to be themselves and excersise their right of free-will.....and thats why I believe they call marriage an " Institution".

Institutions are structures and mechanisms to control social behavior for people who can not control themselves. Some people need that marriage certificate/license to remind them to be faithful while others have the self-control and integrity to do so on their own.

I can respect differences of opinion and can agree to disagree when valid points are made. The only valid point I see is that woman like the fantasy & idealistic thought of marriage and the sense of security it brings to them. It is the Fairy tale that they have always been raised to believe is what they are supposed to do when they grow up. Its societies brain washing to perpetuate the cycle. Its just like buying a diamond ring... Its capitalism commercializing an idea to sell a product. It goes against the whole premise of what love is. Its not materialistic, its about spirit, heart & soul genuinely caring for another human being enough not to put conditions or restrictions on them for your own personal selfish wants and needs. You will never be happy with anyone else if your unable to be happy with yourself first. Thats why I bellieve that love is sometimes knowing when to let go of the control of others, because Sometimes it's not holding on that shows love- it's letting go of everything that you fear to lose to let them be free to express their love in their own way, otherwise we love only the reflection of our own imagination we want them to be and not who they actually are.

Me-

The idea of Marriage OR Not should and is a very unique emotional and personal decision that should not be based on, influenced by or manipulated through outside forces like " Marriage is showing the world ". People should do what makes them happy, and have the integrity to not let societal peer-pressure dictate your actions.

The only thing love should be about are the two individuals who are in the relationship. People should never let other factors persuade your choices in how you live your life and what love & happiness means to you. Have the independence of mind and don't let others effect the convictions of your own love map. Loving someone is about respecting that other persons love in its purist form. People are fallible and do change. You should never have to be forced to stay in a bad relationship. People should be able to have the freedom & liberty to follow their hearts love.

You say: " You can say all you like against marriage but the fact remains that either one of you can leave the relationship at anytime without consequence. " Why should people be punished for falling out of love???

People just need to find someone who will respect their own philosophy of love. Love comes in many forms and NO ONE has a patent on how to or show love to someone. Decide for yourself, your own definition of what love means to you. Love should never be controlled through selfish means. It should be free to naturally progress & transform in each individual instinctually. No one but the individual knows best what will make them happy and how their own love potential is best displayed and how to get the most out of it.

Find someone who will love you for who you are and recognize & support your love unconditionally the way that you are comfortable & capable of expressing it. Thats True love.

if your scared that getting married will ruin your relationship then something is wrong with it. btw Vodwine needs to get a hobby if they have time to write that long on a post

Marriage is supposed to enhance your love for eachother, not stifle it. Although marriage for some may be stressful, since I got married, i have never felt more content, happy, secure, or loved. It just has to be with the RIGHT person. But, its not for everyone.

If you are of the religious persuasion get yourself a Family Bible which contains birth and death records, and a marriage certificate. Record the marriage in the Family Bible with witnesses. Early Americans were married without a marriage license. They simply recorded their marriages in their Family Bibles. Now you have your "symbol" of eternity under your God.

Marriage just like church should be seperate from state.

legally binding myself to another person for the rest of my life is scary. i've had commitment/abandonment issues since i broke up with my high school sweetheart in college. i've been with my boyfriend now for nearly two years, and the idea of marriage still terrifies me. the way i see it, with divorce rates what they are, marriage isn't permanent nowadays anyway. even if you DO get married, it doesn't mean your relationship will last. and you know what? that's okay. i'm not convinced love is always meant to last forever. if it does, great, but if it doesn't, well it just wasn't meant to be. so for me, why complicate a great relationship by putting a legal stamp on it, and making it that much more complicated if we split? if we don't get married, we'll never have to deal with a divorce. we'll just break up instead. i'm not completely against marriage, don't get me wrong, i just think its a personal choice, and if you feel its right for you and your partner, great, go for it. i'm just not sure its for me. besides, i'm not ready for marriage and babies yet anyway. i'll cross those bridges when i come to them, and then i'll decide if that's what i want.

you say that marriage is just a stupid piece of paper but yet you are afraid that piece of paper will put too much stress on your relationship. maybe you need to evaluate how strong your relationship really is if signing a marriage certificate would create a bad relationship. marriage should enhance your relationship, not destroy it.

Because I love my bachelorette lifestyle! I don't believe in marriage, many things in this life don't last. When they guy cheats on you, just kick him to the curb! The only cool thing about marriage would be the money you'd get on the pre-nup.

If you really love someone, a ridiculous ceremony is not needed.

I was really hoping that people had REALLY good reasons for not getting married--but No. Everyone in this article is motivated by FEAR! Based on this article what I am hearing is that we have a generation who fears commitment and change. Wow...we are in some kind of trouble.

You can get married and not have the big "wedding"..marriage is about a life long commitment. I'm not saying that you are wrong for how you feel but don't base it on the "wedding" part...whatever your feeling is neither nor right or wrong..bottom line if you guys love each other and respect each other then it doesn't matter whether you're married or not.

Wow these 15 reasons for not marrying, sillllly! The whole not wanting to plan a wedding...excuse... my husband and I planned to get married Friday, and had a small reception planned for Saturday. Granted it was nothing and small, and not legal til the following Monday, but having my Father who was disgnosed with cancer and was terminal, watch me marry a man who he loved as much as I do, mattered more than any extravagant wedding.
I do understand the God issue Matilda from NY had. My husband is not religious, not baptized and doesnt associate with any organized religion. But he respects my faith, and has attended church with me, and if we did have a wedding, he understands that it is important to my family to be married in a Catholic church. I also compormise but not making him go to church with me unless he wants to and I do not push my religion on him.
But not wanting a traditional wife role, change your name? Silly reasons to me. I don't know maybe I am lucky, but hubby and I have always shared outdoor and indoor chores. OK, he may mow the grass, but I edge or weed or pick up the dog poo. I may cook, but he washes the dishes. And I completely embraced my husband's last name, and although it was sad to change my name, it meant a new stage in my life, as a Mrs. We have only been married 3.5 months, and have gone through a life changing experience of watching my father pass away, moving my mother from their home to a condo and helping her with living alone and taking care of things and being married makes me feel stronger. My father was my number 1 man, always there for me and he is gone and I am heartbroken, but having my husband has been one of the most satisfying feelings. I feel like a united front with him and we can conquer anything. He is the love of my life, my best friend, my family. I am honored to have his name, and be legally bound to him.

marriage makes every relationship more complicated than it used to be... it is never an assurance that your partner will be with you forever or if he's going to love you till you both get old... and marriage doesnt assure that you'll love that person even more-- plus the fact that it will both make you poor for all the expenses..

marriage makes every relationship more complicated than it used to be... it is never an assurance that your partner will be with you forever or if he's going to love you till you both get old... and marriage doesnt assure that you'll love that person even more-- plus the fact that it will both make you poor for all the expenses..

To address the first poster: Just because a person isn't married to their significant other doesn't mean they have multiple partners. I've been with one guy for six years. He's the only one.