20 Non-Negotiables When Choosing Mr. Right

The only things I consider non-negotiable are:
* Passionate about career..or some other major facet of their life that ISN'T ME. I can't handle the pressure of being the one and only center of attention and priority of someone for more than a few hours at a time (i.e. the time it takes for a leisurely date). If I end up having a house-husband, he'd better be passionate about children, pets, volunteer activities, at least SOMETHING.
* Loyalty (i.e. no cheating). If they want someone else, I'll gladly agree to a separation or breakup. I would rather deal with emotional pain than physical disease, because face it--condoms are not foolproof.
* Sexual compatibility. This isn't a big one, because my sexual compatibility requirements are as follows: "Must actually find me sexually attractive. Must not want to indulge in fetishes that could cause lasting physical harm, such as amputation and amateur piercing. Must actually want to engage in sexual activity with me. Must be willing to make it at least somewhat enjoyable." Orgasm appreciated but not strictly necessary.
* Reciprocal trust. Otherwise we're going to have REAL problems because I'm still going to do things not under the supervision of my partner whether it is liked or not. And if I can't trust my partner...well, I'll go nuts. But I wouldn't actually consider a long-term relationship with someone I couldn't trust to a reasonable point.
* Honesty. If you want me to shut up, tell me so directly. Niceness is appreciated, though, as always.
* Capable of showing respect. Irreverence has its time and place. That time and place is not meeting my parents.
* Responsible. If you make a commitment, stick to it.
* Willing to let me have a life outside of the relationship. While the relationship with my partner may be the most important part of my life, it isn't 100% of my life. There will be friends, my parents, possibly children and career (depending on how things end up working out), volunteer activities, just to name a few.

Not actively addicted. Nonviolent.

there's three things I needed when I was dating:

1. Politics. Our views had to be similar. I couldn't date someone who was liberal
2. Religion. No thank you.
3. Must like hockey.

The rest, we could work on. Women are too picky, and to mistress, she will be lonely, miserable, ugly, and dead the rest of her life.

i think the most important thing in a relationship is love. If both partners can love one onother with the eye of God then i'm sure all these things will fall in it. Money is very important, but so is love.

Girl's who make a list of "non-negotiables" and judge men based only on that list are girls who will stay single thier whole lives. Men are human beings too and cannot be expected to live up to your personal standards of what a man "should be". By comparing a man to a list, you are only hurting yourself because you may be missing out on the most wonderful, caring, kind man in the world because he's "cheap" or doesn't go to the same church as you. I can understand how some things like kids, or where you want to live can be deal breakers, but most of the other things on this list can be compromised on or are small differences in opinion that can be accepted, respected and worked through. I really like what Dashing Darne said about expecting all these things out of a man, but what are YOU offering in return?

Actually, I've found that my husband has all of these qualities now (we just celebrated our 25th anniversary)--but he didn't have them all when we got married. He's acquired some over time (in fact, he's added a few of them in the past few years). The most important non-negotiable in both partners, in my opinion, is the ability to negotiate and compromise. Without those, you won't be able to able to get to first base in the relationship.

I agree with most thigns on this list and believe for the most part people should have a REASONABLE must have list of traits or non-negotiables on their personal list when looking to find someone. Cause personally I have seen far too many relatives and even friends that have gotten into relationships with just anybody. And there has been a lot of arguing, physical fighting, control issues and the like. Because they didn't even come close to have a clue of what is important to them in a significant other and accepted far too many bad traits in the other person and thought it was just natural for their relationships to go that badly. So yea, I may not agree with all things on the non-negotiable list I think more people should know what they can handle and can live with and put it on a list and things they can't. Cause if you don't you will waste your time and even life on ALL the wrong people. Just have to remember to be practical and reasonable about what you are looking for and stop rushign into relationships too quickly.

When I started dating after my divorce I had two deal breakers, no cheating and whomever had to love my children and be open to the possibility of more (I had two). This is not to say I wouldn't date someone who didn't want children, they would just not be allowed in my home or around my kids. Thankfully I met a man with strong values and a love of children and we married 18 months after my divorce and we have two more children. He has treated my children as his own from the first day he met them and is a wonderful father. He is also faithful and has been faithful is all of his relationships. I think keeping the list of deal breakers simple and short is best as you never know who you might fall in love with...

lol good luck with that!

I agree with most of you I'm recently divorced and now in a new relationship. My ex was very romantic and loved to cook and clean but he only wanted part-time work. I got tired of that over 5 years along with other issues and divorced him. My new boyfriend is totally the opposite of me but he balances me out and if I could just be patient and listen to him I think we may have a great relationship. My question is how can you completely trust and depend on a man to be there for you when you have past hurts. I've tried hard to not let my fears show but my emotions take over.

It's funny how these lists are for each gender. Women's are usually far too long, and men's are far too short (the classic one for men having only three requirements: she should be 1) cute 2) fun and 3) not a pain in the ass).

My standards are: trustworthy, good communication, willing to accept my Christian values if he doesn't share them, and yes, call me shallow, but I do need to be attracted to him in some way. And lastly, no hangups on ex's! This has been a huge problem with guys in the past!

And this is why people remain single

I do not agree with everything on this list. Different people have different values and priorities.

I think the money one should be more of "same money values". You may not want someone cheap, but you may not want someone who doesn't spend their money wisely either. You both should have the same ideas on what to spend money on. What good does it do you if you date a guy with money who only likes to spend it on cars?

Similar interests is important to me. I'm not saying that we have to have everything in common, but I couldn't be with a guy where we both couldn't go out to do things we love together because the other one doesn't enjoy it.

One of the reasons that so many people find themselves alone and incapable of finding Mr or Mrs "right" is because they build non-negotiable lists such as this. Almost everything in life is negotiable and perspectives change as life moves forward. If we'd start making lists of the things that we are willing to compromise on and the things that we are willing to accept then we just might find the perfect relationship.

How ridiculous is this? Why do the young people of today try to make everything a "do or die" situation? What ever happened to compromise? People's perspectives and even some values can change as they grow older and more mature. Perhaps you love your career today, but in ten years you will find something you would rather be doing. Or, maybe one of you would like to become a stay at home parent once kids arrive. I say, as long as you agree on most of your core values and are willing to allow for changes (for the better) then you are fine. If not, reevaluate not only the relationship, but yourself as well.

I think you should always pretty solidly agree on the BIG life values: amount of kids (if any), feelings about marriage/commitment, and what you are willing to sacrifice for each other (ie moving across the country for one persons dream job). Outside of that it's all about compromise and understanding. I personally believe if you don't agree on the big life values you don't have a big enough foundation for a relationship.

Also, having a big or medium size package in sexual terms. If it is too small, then the relationship will not work.

Keep Dreaming!
Save yourself some time and disappointment, buy yourself 2 cats and call it a life. Consider yourself "lucky" if you meet one man who has 10 of these traits! By the way what are you offering in return?
"Don't expect to sit next to the moon unless you're a star!"
The only place you're going to find "perfection" is in the dictionary!
Best of luck!