3 Rules For Reuniting With Your Ex
Admit it: Whenever you hear about a couple getting back together, "Yeah, that'll last" often comes to mind. If a relationship ends, it's obvious there were problems, and it's hard to imagine things going any more smoothly the second time. That seems especially true if the split was awful. Shouldn't both people just learn from the experience and move on?
Not necessarily, say experts. Yes, there may have been issues, but a serious time-out can make a couple stronger in the long run…ifthose issues are addressed and resolved. That said, there are certain "rules of the repeat" that can help improve your odds of success in round two. If you're ready to reconnect with your ex, follow our 6-step plan for a second chance at romance.
Rule #1: Go Slow
It's hard to slam on the brakes when you're making up for lost time, not to mention enjoying being so familiar with each other. But admit it or not, you've both changed and need to take time to get reacquainted.
"Try to look at it as a brand-new relationship," says relationship therapist Bethany Marshall, PhD, author of Deal Breakers. While you might be dying to fast-forward to cozy Saturday mornings in bed, it's important to stop and think about why you want to be together…just like you would while getting close with any guy. (Are you way too obessed with your ex? Take this quiz to find out.)
Rule #2: Touch on the Past
Try hashing out the bigger points of what you want to do differently this time in a way that isn't threatening, like "It would make me happy if…" and have him do the same. Then really act on it: If he couldn't stand your liberal definition of arriving "on time," make a point to be early. And if your hot button was not getting a text when he was out late, call him out if he trips up again. Just pick your battles when it comes to past issues or you'll be back where you started. These rekindled romances will make you swoon!
Rule #3: And Then Move On
The upside of having split once is it probably over made you stronger. "Every time we break up with someone, we learn how to have our own lives," Marshall says. So whether you went skydiving or dated someone else, you gained a new perspective that only makes you better this time…for both of you. Keep your bond strong with these hot relationship tips.
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Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.
