CosmopolitanSome Latinas flat-out refuse to date Latinos, no matter how much game they have. CFL went straight to the source to find out their reasons behind benching.
By Jenny Mero
1. Latinos Want You to be a Housewife
If you can cook, clean, or wash clothes, congratulations! "In our culture, there's a long-standing preconception that a woman that can cook is better wife material," says Dr. Yasmin Davidds, life coach and author of several books, including Latinas 7 Principles to Personal Empowerment. Here's the deal: that long-held notion is actually changing. As the number of Latinas who earn the same or more than their husbands keeps rising, it means there's less time for cooking or hosting. The NPD Group, a market research company, said in a 2011 report that more than 40% of Latinos who eat out are bringing their kids along. Dining out is a family affair, and women are no longer being relegated to domestic duty.
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Ready for some troubling news? Cheating website ashleymadison.com says 1.2 million U.S. Latinos are using the Spanish- language version of their site since its 2009 launch. They also found that Latinos on their sites are having affairs at younger ages-average age is 31 for women and 38 for men. Yikes! Truth be told, it's really unfair to single out Latinos as the only men who cheat. Have you seen the show Cheaters? It's the U.N. of cheating men and women. However, from a sociological and historical perspective, infidelity has always been tacitly understood to be part of a Latino's relationship. "As a ulture, Latinos are more accepting of cheating," Dr. Davidds explains. "The idea of machismo dominates, as does the idea that the woman sacrifices herself because she is dependent on the man."
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3. Latinos Are All Machistas
Like many men, Latinos are taught to hide their emotions, be tough, and take control of situations. But in today's world, the men themselves are no longer believing that brand of hype. Even if some Latino men are more susceptible to this stereotype, it'' primarily because of costumbre. "Latino men were taught that they had more rights than women, and it was never questioned," Dr. Davidds says. Thankfully, it doesn't mean they are still married to outdated ideas and customs. Men controlling women who can support themselves is no longer an option. "Now, Latinos are coming to their senses because it's a lot harder to be machista in America."
According to the Center for American Progress Action Fund, 31% of college-age Latinas are enrolled in college versus 21% of men. That college degree opens up career opportunities and financial independence for us. Yet, when it comes to relationships, this trend creates doubt in some of our men and poses a romantic challenge for women. The pressure a Latino feels to be the breadwinner can be insurmountable. "It's a cultural expectation that the man will provide, and that comes from both men and women," says Liliana Santos Labarta, 37, a Salvadoran paralegal who's married to a Cuban-Ecuadorian. Based on current stats from the Pew Research Center's study on interracial marriage, Latinas who married outside of their group tend to be college educated and 33% of Latinas who said "I do" to white partners are college educated. "It takes a certain kind of man that can handle a successful woman, and there are few of them in the Latino population. I don't blame it on the Latino men. They just don't have role models to help them make the adjustment," Dr. Davidds says.
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"I'm So Proud I'm Marrying a Latino Man"
A CFL reader tells us about her positive experiences with her Latino fiance. Honduran Liesbeth Ramirez, 25, never imagined her husband would be Latino. Though her father was hardly macho, her mother warned her that other Latino men were. Believing her, Ramirez sought love with non-Latino men but found the relationships lacked emotional and cultural connection. Many of the guys she dated didn't understand her parents' strict rules: a curfew and a need for him to "show his face" so they could meet him. Her friends suggested she date Alex, a man with Salvadoran roots. What she found was a young man who was modern and traditional. He stood up and pulled out her chair at a restaurant on their first date. "I noticed that right away," Ramirez says. More importantly, he understood the family rules and curfew. They bonded over their "crazy Hispanic parents." Even when she decided to move from New Orleans to New York in search of better career opportunities, Alex was supportive. It's no surprise Ramirez said yes when Alex proposed to her last year.
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