I Love You...But I Hate Your Friends
By James Lane for BounceBack.com
You did it! You finally found someone that you get along with. Someone who compliments you, gets your jokes, finds you attractive, and vice versa. The hard part is done…right? Well, maybe.
Sure, as your relationship progresses with this person, you'll find small things that bother you - from the bad habit of eating in bed to the weird shows they like to watch. Those little things are normal and in many cases, easy to fix. But what happens when the thing you hate the most - the thing that almost makes the relationship unbearable - is their friends? How do you say, "I love you, but I hate your friends"?
Related: What Happens When You Don't Like a Friend's Significant Other
It sounds harsh - and maybe it is. However, these people were his/her friends before the relationship started with you, so in theory, they should remain friends during (or after) you. Many people say friendships are the most important thing, that while boyfriends and girlfriends come and go, friendships last forever. However, here are four types of friends that can affect a relationship, and how to deal with them:
1. The Single Friends or Third Wheels
These are the friends who are single, but still very much want to be a part of your dates. "Oh, I really want to see that movie, too!" they may exclaim to your partner, and now they are sitting in between the two of you holding the bucket of popcorn. They keep trying to weasel their way into your dates, which is totally cool, because sometimes hanging out with JUST your boyfriend or girlfriend can be tiresome. But, sometimes there are nights when you just want to have alone time and not want to share.
2. The Opposite Sex Friends
It is 2012 and boys have friends who are girls, and girls have friends who are boys. No big deal. But, for some reason, we are insanely jealous of these types of friendship. Maybe they have certain jokes that you are not a part of, or a different type of bond. Usually, this wouldn't be an issue if the friends were of the same sex, but since they aren't, we feel inadequate of the opposite sex friend, and sometimes get envious of their relationship. Now we are the ones trying to weasel ourselves into their private jokes and it turns out that we are now viewed as the third wheel. That's not good.
3. The Best Friend
Ah. The best friend. There will always be that one person who comes before you. That one person they tell everything. The one person they feel most comfortable with. All of those should be you - but they aren't.
Best friends are the best people in our lives. Of course, relationships should never break up a friendship of this depth, but unfortunately the best friend holds characteristics of the two types listed above: they become the third wheel and you are insanely jealous of them. You will never share the same bond that they do. The best thing to do in this situation is give up trying to replace the best friend and make your own inside jokes with your partner. Hopefully, they will see these as more important, possibly funnier, and at the very least, something special between the two of you.
Related: How to Deal With Changing Friendships
4. The Obnoxious/Drunk/Pain in the Ass Friends
Do we really need to go into detail with these people? They are the ones you are forced to hang out with at a party or bar because they went to high school with your girlfriend or they were in the same college fraternity with your boyfriend. They are obnoxious. They get drunk. And usually they are pains in the ass. They are people you never thought you'd be at a Happy Hour with. But, guess what - they aren't going away either, so might as well embrace them with another shot of tequila.
Although these points may make light of and find the humor in this situation, deep down, there are many truths. We've all been on a date with someone whose friends will not stop calling or texting them during dinner. We've had to make a special pit stop to a different bar because the friends are there and want your significant other's company. The fact is, it is part of dating. When you get married, his or her family becomes your own. So, when you are dating, his or her friends become, well, your friends, too - whether you like them or not.
Try not to be needy or complain about their friends - this will only make you single. Instead, try to have fun with it: you don't have to embrace them with open arms, add them on Facebook, or invite them to YOUR birthday party. If you hate them, don't be friends with them - just be friendly.
James Lane is an aspiring writer living in New York City. To read more from James, visit his blog at http://fatalabstraction.tumblr.com/
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