Prevent your next couple's quarrel in 4 simple steps.Most arguments begin from a lack of clarity, a miscommunication or a false belief. Couples argue when they feel misunderstood or under-appreciated. These dynamics can lead to disconnection and resentment if they aren't cleared up. To clean up an old argument, or to avoid a new one, here are four ways:
1. Speak clearly and learn to identify what you want and ask for it. It's a common misconception that if your partner loves you, he or she will know what you want and need. They often don't know, even though they do love you. If you want a hug, or some time to yourself, it's imperative that you let your partner know. Whether it's twenty minutes alone after work to re-adjust to home life or taking a bath once the kids are in bed - when each of you are getting your needs met, everything runs smoother!
2. Beware of your victim story. If you catch yourself coming up with a million reasons why you can't have what you want and need, you're stuck! But don't look to your partner to fix it; the belief that your partner should act a certain way in order to make you feel better is one of the biggest relationship traps.
This is the most important time to take a breath and appreciate all that you do and all that your partner does. You can always have your needs met, but in order to do so, you need to be flexible to see all your options. Appreciation opens the door to better communication, and creates an open mind for creative possibilities. Read More: 3 Questions You Should Never Ask Your Significant Other
3. Break things down to the most basic facts. Instead of screaming at your partner for spending too much money, lay out the facts. You might say, "We have $62 in the bank, and an $80 phone bill. I don't know how we're going to pay it." You can't fix a problem unless you face it head on, but adding blame and criticism and resentment not only keep you from a solution, it also keeps you disconnected from your partner.
4. Remind yourself that as partners, you are allies. Even though at times, it may seem like they exist soley to drive you bonkers, your partner can be your biggest supporter, and a collaborator in problem solving. Work together to handle your relationship issues, by remembering at one time you really liked each other. Remember that each of you has important gifts and talents and perspectives to assist in coming up with a fresh way of seeing things and ultimately, a new way of relating better.
Written by Christine Brondyke for YourTango.com.
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