Wondering why things aren't quite what they used to be before kids and a mortgage came along? One of these all-too-easy to make mistakes could be to blame. By Ava Feuer, REDBOOK.
CoupleSocial media makes you antisocial
If you're on Facebook checking out photos of the mean girl from your high school, or reading through a celebrity's Twitter feed, it's easy to forget about the person lying next to you. "It feels like you aren't prioritizing your relationship," says Dr. Logan Levkoff, a sexologist and host of Café Mom's Mom Ed: In the Bedroom. He may feel like you're too preoccupied to be receptive to his advances - so save that Pinterest recipe browsing for the morning.
You're always "on-call"
We get it. Between your e-mail, texts, and phone, you're constantly accessible. But, unless you're a doctor who's actually on-call, chances are, your office, fellow PTA-member and sister can all catch you tomorrow. Bank on the old saying, "out of sight, out of mind," and charge your laptop, iPhone and tablet in another room overnight. That way, a vibrating device and nagging "new message" light won't break the intimate mood you're trying to create with your spouse.
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The kids are up too late
Children in the bedroom are fine sometimes - a family cuddle definitely has its place - but that moment is not at 10 p.m. "By the time the kids go to sleep, couples are just about done," says Joel Block, a sex therapist and author of Sex Comes First: 15 Ways to Save Your Relationship Without Leaving Your Bedroom. He suggests regulating an earlier bedtime. You can't force the little ones to drift off to sleep, but you can instigate "quiet time" in their rooms at an earlier hour.
Serious conversations are downers
Even if the discussion isn't about your relationship problems, any sort of heavy talk - whether it focuses on your aging parents or the household budget - kills the mood. Dr. Block puts it frankly: "If you want to get laid, the last thing you want to do is mention that you're bothered that your wife is forgetful." Table those talks for daylight hours, and address them in another room.
Related: 6 Old Marriage DON'Ts and DOs
Thanks to DVR, the TV's always on
Couples have long fought about what to watch while experts have debated whether it's unhealthy to have a television in the bedroom. Now, thanks to DVR, there's an endless queue of Breaking Bad, and no reason to hit the "off" button once a program ends. Dr. Levkoff suggests setting up your DVR in another room, or sticking to a TV time-limit each night.
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