Many people get into dating situations that are doomed from the start. I have a habit of doing it unconsciously, and some of my friends actually admit they do it on purpose: they fear being hurt or getting too close to anyone. There are many tactics out there to keep yourself single. Here are a few:
Getting Stuck On an Ex
It's impossible to form a healthy relationship if you're still obsessed with your ex. When you meet someone new you'll wonder if it's ruining your chances of ultimately getting back together with your ex.
Going For Taken Guys/Gals
A classic move to avoid success. It's not that you're a wannabe homewrecker. You probably rationalize your behavior: "if they honestly choose me over their current significant other then it's best for all of us." The reality is that if you're going after a taken person, you're already behind the eight ball. Even if you're attracted to each other, the chances of it working out are still severely limited.
Dating a Jerk, Then Assuming Everyone Is a Jerk
It's easy to get gun shy after you've been treated poorly. And, of course, you have people around you telling you how bad guys are, and how there are no good men out there.
It's pretty much the "mistake" method of learning. You deal with a jerk and pledge you will not make that mistake again, but sometimes you over compensate. You figure that all guys are jerks (of course, they really are - or most of them are). But assuming that all guys are jerks certainly limits your choices.
Jumping into a Long Distance Relationship
I've tried to spark up long distance relationships with women I've only met a few times. I don't believe it's possible after several careful, measured attempts. It's tough enough doing the long distance thing with someone you've been dating for a while, but when you pursue it with a new candidate, you're missing out on that important time you need to spend together in the beginning. All those times I tried to initiate a long distance relationship with someone I'd just met, deep down I was pretty sure it wouldn't work out - and I was right.
Getting Into a Solitary Groove
Those graceful shots of the lone shark in the open sea in Discovery Channel documentaries remind me of how I used to be in dating. I had become completely solitary, happy on my own, enlightened on my own, and even sexually satisfied on my own.
It's a dangerous place to be, although being happy while you're alone does help in relationships down the line. You just can't get too comfortable with it, or it will keep you out of the dating game.
What do you think of my list and what other bad dating habits would you add and why?
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Reprinted with Permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.