Fairchild Archiveby Gena Kaufman
Having gone on a fair amount of first dates over the past year, I feel like I've finely honed my sense of whether or not the guy is into me at the end of the night. Enough to make a crazy long flowchart on the topic, anyway.
Aside from a few headscratching "I can't believe he didn't call after that great date" moments (the most frustrating thing in the world), I generally feel like it's clear when we've hit it off, when I've made it clear that I'm not interested, or when he's made it clear that he's just not that into me. Which, yeah, it happens. I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I get it.
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But since most guys are too polite or too afraid of being the bad guy to just come right out and say, "Thanks, this was nice but I don't see us hanging out again"--and I'm OK with an indirect method, I can't be that up front about it either--I have picked up on some subtler phrases that end up meaning the same thing. For instance:
"It was very nice meeting you." AKA what you say at the end of a business meeting. How romantic! This one isn't fatal on its own, as it is kind of a generic nice thing to say to a new person, but if it's not sandwiched by "I had a great time" and "When can we do this again?" it probably means meeting you is as far as he plans to go with this relationship.
"Well, I have your number, so..." If he can't even bring himself to lie and say that he'll call you, I think you'll know that he's not actually going to use your number unless he's drunk and very bored at 1 a.m. No thanks!
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"I've got a really busy week at work, but we'll find another time to hang out." Maybe he doesn't want to seem too aggressive by locking down a specific second date right away, but if he's making excuses before you've even suggested a day, he's trying to let you know that he won't be making time for you, like ever.
"I'll be in touch." A guy actually said this to me at the end of a date, and I was not even remotely surprised when he was not, in fact, in touch ever again. I mean, it was a date, not an audition, but when he said that it was pretty clear he was not feeling me as a romantic lead. He might as well have said, "Don't call me, I'll call you." Which he obviously would never have done.
"Good luck." No one said this to me at the end of a date, thank God, but a guy once said it at the end of an email breaking things off with me after a few weeks, and I'm still smarting about it. Maybe he meant in in a nice way, but it felt a lot like he was mentally adding "…you'll need it." Rude. If you hear this at the end of the date, he means "Good luck dating other people because you won't be dating me."
Yuck! But remember: If you hear one of these or any other disheartening phrase at the end of the date, don't take it personally. Just smile and move on to the next guy!
Anyone ever said any of these? What are your dreaded end-of-date lines to hear? What do you say to guys if you know you're not interested in a second date?
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