Find why your guy's doing the two-step shuffle away from you.
-Marcelina Hardy, BettyConfidential.com
Are you desperate to know why your guy is shying away from the "relationship talk"? All you want is to be able to call him your own and he's just fine with having you come and go whenever. To find out what might be keeping him from entering into a commitment relationship with you, check out the reasons why some guys won't commit.
1. He believes he'll lose his independence
Many guys think that once they have a girlfriend that they will no longer have a mind of their own. They've probably seen some friends of theirs who have gone from being all laughs, jokes and good times to being attached to the hip to their girlfriend.
What your guy doesn't understand is that their friends who do this are doing it because they want to do it and not because they are made to do this because they have a girlfriend. It's true that some girlfriends are controlling, however, not everyone is like that.
How can you help your guy understand that you don't handcuff him to you as soon as he agrees that he wants to be your boyfriend?
Talk to him. Ask him why he's hesitant about getting into a relationship with you. If he mentions that he likes his freedom, tell him that he could still have that when he is with you because you don't have those same views. Tell him that you value having friends just as much as he does and that is actually what a healthy relationship is made of. You will really surprise him with that and impress him. He may actually be ready to commit that second.
2. He doesn't want to get hurt again
If you've been hurt in a past relationship, you know how he must feel. It's different for you because you're ready to move on.
The best way to help him with this is to show him that you do love him. Help him understand that there is no way that either of you know what will happen in the future, but right now, you both love each other. Helping him focus on the present rather than the future can help ease his fears.
3. He doesn't think he'll make you happy
Does he have a hard time believing that you like him as much as you do and feels that if you guys make this real that it will all end?
Your guy just needs affirmations to make him realize that this is real and that you only have eyes for him. Tell him that you are here for him and that you want to take this further. Remind him that you've been hanging out with him for a while and you haven't gone anywhere yet.
4. He wants to keep his options open
Yes, it's true. For many guys, they don't want to commit because they don't know who else will walk into their life. It's crushing to you but it's best to know this now than to spend more time with him and find out that he's decided to commit to someone else.
How can you figure out if he is just leading you along until someone else comes along? Just ask him. Many men will tell you if they are waiting for someone better. They won't say that exactly, but will say, "I don't really want to get involved with anyone right now."
5. You don't fit into his plans
It may just not be a good time in his life for a girlfriend. He may be dealing with a full schedule at work; he may be switching careers, or dealing with some other stressors that can be making it difficult to concentrate on a relationship.
The best way to determine if you should wait around for him or move on is to see what he's thinking. If he really doesn't see a relationship in his near future, it might be best for you to move on. However, if he just can't handle getting into a relationship right now but if you're the type of girl that he would love to date once his life settles down, it might be worth keeping him in your "little book" and in a few months, contact him to see if he's more available.
Tell us: how have you handled guys who didn't commit in the past?
Marcelina Hardy is a relationship coach, who helps individuals solve relationship problems and improve their relationships.
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