By Lynn Zavaro, author of The Game of You™
As we all know, Prince William and Kate Middleton are tying the knot, and everyone - EVERYONE - is talking about the wedding. But what about the marriage? What about what happens AFTER the wedding? The celebration on April 29 will no doubt be an affair that will be remembered and recounted for ages, but this commitment, like every marriage, is about more than just a day. When you're getting married, everyone has advice for the wedding day, but there's a lot many people forget to tell you about what happens after tying the knot. For all you brides and grooms out there who are planning your big day and are excited about the celebration to come, there may be some surprises you will encounter after saying "I do".
For more support with the stresses of planning a wedding and committing to marriage, get your copy of The Game of You here.
Here are 5 secrets every bride and groom should know before they walk down the aisle about what may happen after the wedding is over:
1) It is normal and typical to feel grief or depressed a few months after the wedding. Think about it: This is a major life transition. You are letting go of who you once were. You are no longer single or live alone. You will no longer be free to date other people. You have made a commitment for life and this can be scary! You are letting go of a part of your old self and becoming someone new: A married person (even in some circumstances with a different last name.) It is important to give yourself permission to grieve the old and take the time needed to let the past go. If you get down, depressed or even confused about your choices, don't let it freak you out. Just know this is part of the process.
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2) The stressors that arise during the wedding are some of the same stressors you will most likely have in your marriage. If you have a difficult mother in law who forces her way into the decision making for the wedding planning she will be the same difficult mother in law who forces her way into other situations in the marriage. If you and your fiancée have a fight over something before the nuptials, the theme of this issue could be a recurring issue in your marriage. Rather than let this get you down, consciously realize that this is part of what you are signing up for. Relationships take work so rather than reject the issues that arise, use them for your betterment and growth. Take responsibility into your own hands and start working out the issues now. Give yourself peace of mind in knowing that you have a lifetime together to work things through. It is even a good idea to get support with some counseling if issues like these arise before and after the wedding.
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3) Culture plays a large part in a marriage. Sometimes both the bride and the groom come from similar backgrounds and sometimes not. Regardless, various cultures and traditions are celebrated in a varied amount of ways. Your cultural similarities and differences will come into play when panning the wedding rituals. These cultural traditions will also be a big factor in how you raise your children, how you celebrate holidays and how you come together with your extended families in the future. Stay awake and conscious of your differences so that you can support the marriage and your growing family to create mutual respect and trust in your differences.
4) Your honeymoon phase won't last forever. All things come to an end. This is a fact of life. Once the honeymoon phase is over you will find yourself "nesting", creating a home and daily life together. Within a normal routine you might wake up one day and think, "What on earth did I do?" Now that the fairy tale of the wedding and finding your knight and shining armor is over, you may find yourself frustrated with ordinary life. Realize that the ordinary can become extraordinary. 63% of couples gain weight after living together. Stay fit and active and keep bringing new and different experiences into the marriage.
Related: 10 Ways to Add Fun to Your Relationship
5) It takes approximately 2 years to come into balance. After a wedding, couples are so excited to start sharing their life together that they buy into the old adage that "we should become one". In the beginning this merging is fun and romantic but in the long term it can be harmful to the health of the marriage. After about 2 years, it is common for a couple to realize how important it is to remain individuated within the unit. Remain aware to this common pattern in order to keep your relationship in balance and create a stronger and stable foundation to grow individually as well as together in your marriage.
Planning a wedding can be thrilling, stressful and bring great happiness and pleasure. But, remember it is a life you have signed up for not one date on a calendar. By keeping some of these insights in mind you will be supported to make the transition from bride into wife and groom into husband much easier. Marriage takes awareness and a willingness to grow and change. In fact, commitments such as these are our greatest teachers.
Lynn Zavaro has emerged as a leading voice in the art of guiding others to know themselves and create the life they've always envisioned. She has a Masters degree in Counseling Psychology and her book and card deck set, The Game of You™ - An Interactive Way To Know Yourself, Create The Life You Want offers a powerful, profound and FUN experience of self-discovery and transformation. Learn to resolve daily issues, develop better relationships, and come to better understand your life's path and purpose. Try the online version here.
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