As a Sex Expert & Pleasure Coach for BlissConnection.com, I have personally facilitated over 1,000 Pleasure Parties in the last 6 .5 years. That means, week in and week out , I go to my customer's homes with my "mobile romance store" and set up shop. We set up our mini pleasure party store in their master bedroom, normally, and then I do my Pleasure Party presentation in their living room. Our hostess invites 10 - 20 of her best friends, or her book club, or her bunko group - and we talk about SEX and SEX TOYS for a couple of hours.
Let me tell you, once the wine starts flowing, the TRUTH comes out! I start my pleasure party presentation by talking about the more polite products like the edible massage oils, dvd's, lube, the instructional books and then some of the arousal creams. We take a little break and then I launch in to our POWER TOOL presentation. Honestly, this is why most of these women show up to the party - is to learn about the sex toys and how to incorporate them into their sex lives. (They especially need help if their man is intimidated by sex toys. Savvy Men Know that Sex Toys do all the Heavy Lifting for them.)
Once the Power Tool presentation ends, we (one customer at a time) go back into the Master Bedroom or where ever we have our "mini store" set up and that is when the guests come back one at a time and order their products privately. Now it's on! These women, who have been primed with some chardonnay and an hour and a half of talk about sex toys tell me every detail of their love life. Sometimes it's inspirational (they are having fab sex and lots of sex) and other time's it's just sad (married for 10+ years and having no sex at all). There are about 5 issues that come up over and over and over.
Top 5 Things Women Really Want When it Comes to Sex: What women tell me when the door closes.
1. Married women and women with children want more help with the kids and the household. The resentment they feel from carrying the majority of the load makes them DETEST the idea of being intimate with their partner. NO SEXY TIME when your wife is angry and bitter, gents. Gas up her car without asking. Run her "Mom van" through the drive-thru car wash for her. Take it to get the OIL changed for her. Here's a tip that is crazy hot. Go and sanitize the bathroom WITHOUT her nagging you to do it. Watch out! She will be drooling for you. Nothing sexier then a man cleaning the bathroom on his own accord.
2. All women want more KISSING. It seems that most men do not get how important this is for women. Remember, for the most part, men are much more visually turned on then women. Women are tactile and our lips are SUPER sensitive. Women need A LOT of attention above the nipples - it's called FOREPLAY. What seems to happen is that when a couple is together for more then two years, the kissing seems to stop. I am not sure why men are not as into this act as we are. Is it that they are uncomfortable with the intimacy of it? Kissing is not just for romance. It gets our motor purring. You can't drive your car 90 mph without warming it up, right? Maybe it doesn't do anything for men? For women, it makes us wet, more orgasmically responsive, and VERY lusty. DO NOT skip this step. It's high on our list for putting us in the mood for sex. Spend a minimum of 5 minutes kissing her before you start reaching for the goods - even if she is your wife! She wants to be kissed. ENJOY the kiss. We do. (And, for you bad kissers, bone up on this topic. That goes for men and women. Learn how to be come a better kisser.)
3. Women want a massage! Can't sign up for a full body massage? See what happens when you rub her feet or legs with some massage oil. OMG you will be rewared generously. Massage her neck and shoulders for 10 minutes after she cooks dinner. AND, do it with NO expectation of sex. That annoys us! However, when we get a little massage it does put is more in the mood - so maybe later! Just try it and see what happens. Most women will worship the ground you walk on if you massage their feet. And, if you massage her once in awhile she may be inspired to massage you, too.
4. Tell her how hot she is! Tell her you find her intoxicatingly sexy - to steal the words from one of our male customers. As women, from the time we are about 2, we get bombarded by the media every second of the day that we are too old, too wrinkled, too fat, too blonde, too brunette, too skinny, too busy, terrible Moms, etc etc. All of this stuff plays with our heads. We feel inadequate, we feel ugly or fat compared to Jen Aniston or Jessica Alba. We need to hear what you think. Do you love our smile, our eyes, our thick thighs or our super toned arms? Tell us. We need to feel you think we are attractive, sexy, hot, sweet, lovely, smart, hot, pretty, cute, hot, smoldering, and hot. I know we shouldn't need it, but we need to hear from you to give us the confidenc to wear the lingerie or the sexy panties you bought for us.
5. We have a dirty and kinky side, too. We like porn, we like being talked to in a dirty way on occasion, we like to be spanked on occasion, we masturbate, we like our hair pulled on occasion, we like it when you kink things up a bit, we want you to take control on occasion, we want you to tie us to the bed and blindfold us sometimes, we like when you bring us home a new toy or some crotchless panties, we love it when you light a candle for us, we LOVE to receive oral sex (even if she has you convinced she doesn't) …. though we might sometimes act like we don't. We have been programmed our whole lives to be the GOOD GIRL. We know you want us to be part good girl and part dirty girl. We're trying!
We are also programmed to be GIVERS and PLEASERS. It is very hard for many women to ASK for something sexually. We have been trained to GIVE you pleasure. It's subtle, but our whole lives we have been programmed to nurture and that it's "better to give then recieve." Just laying there receiving pleasure from you can make us tense unless we are doing something nice for you at the same time.
We are also natural multi-taskers, which is why we are always looking to do something back to you when you are doing something to us. It's hard for us to just relax and recieve. Work hard to make sure she knows how much you ENJOY giving her pleasure. We aren't so sure when it comes to this and we need to know. It may help us to relax and be in the moment.
I think this changes as women get older and maybe why this is the AGE OF THE COUGAR. As we get older, we realize it is ok to receive. Sometimes to ONLY just receive. We become more comfortable asking for what we want. When we are younger we just don't have that confidence. A woman who knows what she wants and needs is HOT!
I could go on and on, but this is what I hear every weekend. Latina girls, Black girls, Asian girls, White girls, cougars, girls in their 20's, Gay women, you name it I meet them and we all have the same desires. We all want to have great sex! We all want to connect with our partner. We want to be better lovers and we want you to know that we DO LOVE SEX. Now let's get the vibrator out and have some fun.
Chrystal Bougon, Pleasure Coach & Sex Expert