by Karin Manske
"I just want to be wonderful." -Marilyn Monroe
There is a fine balance between having your own life and being in a relationship. Keeping this balance is essential! Not only for the success of your partnership but also for your happiness, your self confidence and your self respect.
Some women go from happily independent on their own to clingy, moody, jealous and insecure beings when entering a relationship. While this can happen to all of us every once in a while, giving up your life for the sake of your relationship rarely works in the long run.
It sounds like a paradox, but if you want your relationship to last, you need to keep a life or your own. Below are a few tips that I have found essential in striking the balance:
- Stay in touch with your girlfriends. Many women give up their friendships when they find a man. This is not healthy. For women, talking to our girlfriends is how we relax and release stress. Men don't listen to us the same way women do. Staying in touch with your girlfriends will help you to keep your relationship healthy. A landmark UCLA study on friendship among women has shown that women need to have unpressured space in which they can do the special kind of talk that women do when they're with other women. It's a very healing experience.
- Make time for the things that bring you joy. Whether it is reading, painting, exercising (which I firmly believe we should ALL do regularly), or playing with your kids, keep it up. It is easy to compromise and give up on some of the things you love doing but in the end it is not going to serve you or the people close to you. Keep up the activities that bring you joy, no excuses!
- Have projects of your own. If you don't already have a business or a project of your own, start one! You have a specific gift, something you love doing. Having a project that is fun and makes money will bring you great satisfaction and fulfillment! And it will take your attention off of your relationship and your partner, which can be a good thing.
- Have alone time. In my own life, if I don't have time by myself to relax and to recharge my batteries, I get cranky. And when I am cranky, I am no fun! Take some time off to go shopping, take a book and read in a beautiful place, go on a walk, or explore a new restaurant, all on your own. You will be surprised how much better you feel when you get back.
- Have your own space. Women are creatures of pleasure and we love to indulge in ceremonies that make us more wonderful. I don't know about you, but I need time and privacy to get ready for romance, love and just about everything else in life! Whether it is your own private room, your own bathroom or your bedroom, make sure you have a space that belongs just to you!
I hope this is giving you some ideas on how to stay happy and strong in your relationship. If you have more tips, please post them in your comments so we can all learn from them.
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