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    5 Unhealthy Marriage Myths

    Marriage is rewarded with gifts and tax breaks and shared health insurance. The pooling of resources makes it easier to rent a nicer apartment, buy a house, and even travel. Directly and indirectly, we are told marriage will make you happy, but will it? A happy marriage does a lot for health, wealth, and personal fulfillment. One study found it's as stabilizing as earning over $100,000 a year and the health equivalent of quitting smoking, but an unhappy marriage undoes all that and then some. Here are five myths that can challenge even the most promising marriages.

    1. Love is all you need: While it's certainly a prerequisite, it won't get you much farther than the altar. Communication, shared values, tolerance, realistic expectations, commitment, and kindness are just a few requirements for a good marriage.
    2. You complete each other: Complementing each other is definitely a benefit of a good relationship, but expecting another person to make up your shortcomings is an unrealistic expectation.
    3. You share everything: Sharing may be caring, but sharing everything is unrealistic, too. What will be shared and what will be kept separate is different for every couple. Telling yourself otherwise just creates another problem.
    4. Babies bring you closer: Babies definitely make parents forever entwined, but several studies show the birth of a first child often pushes people apart. I'd say the worst loneliness is one felt in a relationship, because it contradicts everything we expect to feel.
    5. Everything will fall into place with Mr. or Mrs. Right: How often have you heard of people breaking up because "it shouldn't be so hard"? While there may be some truth to that, expecting a relationship to run on autopilot if it's right removes all responsibility from the only two people who can make it work.
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    20 comments

    • Pat  •  1 year 11 months ago
      Patience is very important. I've been working at that for over 40 years and 2 marriages. I think I've finally got it. Having a patient husband always helps too.
    • Stacey  •  1 year 11 months ago
      Completely agree with all of these, and think they apply to relationships outside of marriage as well. Trying sooooo hard to try and get my boyfriend to understand #5 right now. You can't expect success to happen without some hard work in any other area of life, so why would you expect as much out of a relationship?
    • Jenj  •  1 year 11 months ago
      Sometimes it hard to move on when the other doesn't make quite an effort.....
    • Bobby J  •  1 year 10 months ago
      I want my wife to leave. She's going to do whatever she wants to do without me anyway...so, she might as well pack up and get out of my life. After 11 years and three wonderful children, I want her selfish self out of my life. No one should be in a relationship where one is "the party". I like to listen to others not be the center of attention. I don't like to be told how she had many fellas wanted her when she was younger. For goodness sakes, she was still "messing around" at least a month before I met her. She's not the only one that matters in a relationship...it's not about her ALL the time. I left a wonderful job where I could have been the "man", had hospital insurance, good pay and benefits and was well liked in the community. I had my dream job and I let it go because, because she wanted me to quit and take a lower paying position so I wouldn't be stressed out. I like a little stress because it keeps me on my toes. Now, I'm really stressed and on my butt. What a change! She's got the kids at South Padre Island...I got the bills and having to work an extra job to make ends meet. Now that she's making money - she's on vacation. My check pays the bills...I've got $87.00 to last me to the end of July. She's got all her check and enjoying her self with family and friends...she's on vacation. I wish I had not gotten married to her. I should have left when she thought I was comparing my mom to her. No one can compare to my mom.
    • PAMELA  •  1 year 11 months ago
      EXCELLENT
    • Sweet T  •  1 year 11 months ago
      These are all great! To expand on #5, don't be afraid to keep searching for things that keep the love fresh! The love of today may not satisfy the needs of tomorrow; prepare to accept changes, embrace new aspects of your relationship, and never stop striving for the best for you and your partner. And don't forget, you can't enhance anyone's life if you're not happy-it's healthy to make sure you have what you need to keep striving for the best life and love you can!
    • Erin  •  1 year 11 months ago
      Wow, an intelligent article on marriage (And on Shine too)! I never thought I'd see the day... Logical, well-thought, and free of gender roles/bias! Great job!
    • janetteb  •  1 year 11 months ago
      after 37 years of marriage let me add to no. 1....your individuality must shine. the above insights are absolutely true and realistic.
    • Socorro  •  1 year 11 months ago
      very good article! finally some common sense.....
    • lulu989  •  1 year 11 months ago
      I think you said it all right there with "accept change". I think so many people get stuck in the daily routine of it all, one little disruption causes everything they had built up, to fall down.
    • Lil Bear  •  1 year 11 months ago
      You have to learn to grown and change together. If you grow apart, your relationship will fail.
    • Danny  •  1 year 11 months ago
      Nothing is more important in a marriage than TRUST. Trust is more important than love and more important than attraction. No marriage can survive without complete trust.
    • Choctaw Annie  •  1 year 11 months ago
      After 31 years of a very happy, satisfying marriage with my one and only husband, I can add only two additional items to the above list (which is right on the mark by the way). Those items are: 1)respect yourself and your spouse and never put each other down in public or private and 2)never place anyone, even your children, ahead of your spouse. Love your children, be a good parent, but don't ever forget that, when all is said and done, you and your spouse owe your primary allegiance to each other. Children can only benefit from parents who are a strong, undivided team and, when they grow up, they will want the same type of commitment from their own marriages. This has been the key to success for 4 generations of my family - with no divorces yet.
    • A Yahoo! User  •  1 year 11 months ago
      How refreshing to read something so logical, realistic, and positive. Considering the number of stories on this site (and others, I’m sure!) about tricking a man into proposing, the myriad of ways women irritate men, how rough it is to be a mom, and on and on, this is a really welcome piece to read. Thanks!
    • Runa  •  1 year 11 months ago
      Accepting change is SO important in all relationships. Marriage, we hope, is a lifelong commitment, and I don't know a single person who is the same at sixty as they were at thirty (I may only be twenty, but most sixty-year-olds I've talked to admit they've changed significantly, so I'll take their word on it). Granted, things like core values and basic attitude (e.g. whether a person is hardwired to be kind and communicative...or not) rarely change; it's probably not coincidence that these are things that make up a strong marriage.
    • fiction  •  1 year 11 months ago
      6.
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYAK3hv93Jk&feature=related
    • Vic  •  1 year 11 months ago
      OMG my husband's parents totally need to read this because they've said those exact things to him before we got married. In fact they said those were reasons why we shouldn't get married!
      I really like how reasonable and sensible this article is.
    • Heather  •  1 year 11 months ago
      This is a good article. I have many friends who believe finding Mr. or Ms. Right will solve all their issues. My hubby and I aren't perfect, we do argue at times, and we've both grown and changed in the last 5 years, but we consciously work together not against one another.
    • Danny  •  1 year 11 months ago
      My favorite myth is the "Babies bring you closer" one. WHY would anyone think this??? Kids do nothing but bring financial hardship. The best decision I ever made was to get a vasectomy! I'm about the only male I know that never has and never will pay child support.

      It's amazing how society has brain washed people into thinking life is a waste if you don't reproduce. Infertal people ACTUALLY have to get therapy, and spend thousands of $$$$ in treatments trying to have babies. Unreal!
    • H C  •  1 year 10 months ago
      Remember, he/she isn't God but just human. They and we will fail you...more than once. Keep your expectations in line and decide to keep your word. 'For better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, forsaking all others...'till death... If you can't make and keep that vow to God and your other, just walk away.

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