My husband and I landed squarely into the "wanted to" but failed category; after 4 years of dating, we slipped on our promise to save sex for marriage and well, inadvertently made a baby in the process. Who knew?
Fortunately for us, that baby turned out to be the complete love of our life-as most children tend to be-and we can't really say that we regret how things have turned out.
But once in awhile, part of me can't help but wonder what things might have been like, had we succeeded in our vow of saving ourselves for marriage…
Related: The 13 worst reasons to get married
1. Living on Love.
Lacy from Living on Love says,
"My husband and I chose to wait because love is a sacred thing. We wanted our first time to be with each other, right after we said our vows to love each other for all our lives. We wanted it to be something we experienced together, a memory, something we'd cherish forever. There was no shame or embarrassment or guilt. It was just as I had imagined it would be and I wouldn't have done it any other way."
2. An anonymous reader.
One reader sent me a message to tell her story, although she wished to be anonymous:
"Even though it was very hard, I am very glad we waited. There were multiple reasons that just fueled my decision to not and with that being said, the first year of our marriage was just magical!
We were soooo in love and could be together whenever we wanted. That is one thing I feel bad for couples who did have a bit of rush into it all, it's so hard now with kids to deal with everything and I'm glad we got a chance to slowly work together and figure it out together and had that time before everything got crazy!"
3. MyStyle by Joanna.
Joanna, a hairstylist, and her husband Ted, a financial planner decided to wait until marriage to have sex.
"The biggest reason for waiting was my faith," Joanna told me. " I think everyone has something non-negotiable in their relationship and that was mine. Nothing else can come first. The guilt I knew I would feel, and the disappointment in myself and to God, was not worth the compromise. If he had pushed me to give in, I think would have hated myself and resented him for it as well."
Of waiting, Joanna says, "It was HARD. And I am not the type to say 'no,' so I think it was actually good for me to learn that."
" I have seen amazing couples who haven't waited and people who struggle who have. But I will say-- it made our first year SO FUN. And whether waiting is the reason or not, I have always felt like our marriage has been really blessed because of it. Maybe it is because we learned a lot about working through our issues together before we had any really big issues to work out. And it is nice to know that neither of us has a past with anyone else. I don't have to worry about comparisons or anything like that."
"I guess I would say, that the thing you fight the hardest for is typically going to be the thing that is going to be your biggest success. Whether it is with work, your health, and most especially, your relationship. You fight and work at it, and you WILL reap the rewards. And it will be so fun the first year (
and of course--always gets better !) So keep going!"
4. A pastor and his wife.
Ok, so some may not find a pastor and his fiance choosing to wait until marriage all that surprising, but how about a second marriage?
"Although this was a second marriage for both of us we decided to save sex for marriage. It was difficult at times but the fact that my husband respected me and never pressured me for sex has allowed me to trust him with my whole heart," says Elizabeth Hudspeth, who celebrated her 10th anniversary with her husband last month.
5. A public vow to purity.
Another reader, who also wished to remain anonymous, was part of a public purity ceremony at church as a young woman, where she pledged to save herself for her husband.
"I got a ring and wore it on my ring finger and I really didn't have a serious boyfriend until I graduated high school and that boy turned out to be my husband," she wrote me. "There werre many times I thought about it, but honestly I was scared. i was scared of breaking this promise, I was scared of the consequences that could happen from sex. I don't know if it was just drilled into me, but I was told it was wrong and I just couldn't do it. I think my husband felt the same way; he was raised that it was wrong and he had the same fears that I did.
I think that staying virgins until we got married was the best gift we could have given each other. I think back and sometimes wonder if I missed out on the part of life where you are young and sex is forbidden so it's so exciting, but then I realize how much heartache I saved myself from. It still means so much to me today that my husband and I have never been with anyone else; there is such great intimacy when no one else has ever known your body. im so happy that one day i can tell my kids that we made that
6. Heather Burris.
Heather of Tickled Yellow says,
"We decided to wait, not just because we both felt it was the right thing to do, but because we wanted that anticipation of having something to look forward to on our honeymoon. For us, it was the best possible decision and made our first night together that much more exciting".
-By Chaunie Brusie
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