Get out of the relationship.
By Jonahan Alpert for HowAboutWe
Editor's note: Have a dating/sex/relationships conundrum? Email us at thedatereport at howaboutwe.com or fill out this anonymous form, and one of our experts will help you solve it.
"I'm 25 years old and recently ended a long relationship. After a few months I met a guy who seemed great and had all the qualities that my ex didn't. Several months in though he started to shove me and struck me a few times and has a temper like I've never seen in anyone. I'm confused though because I like him but wonder if there's something wrong with him, or wrong with me for being in this type of relationship. What do I do?"
Any time you think you might be in an abusive relationship, here are some things to keep in mind/watch out for:
- Abuse in relationships usually starts small -- verbally putting you down or maybe a push or a shove. A partner should never lay a hand on a significant other. If it does occur, don't make excuses for it. It's flat-out wrong.
- Don't disregard threats, even if you think they're small.
- Does he control who your friends are or when you spend time with them or your family? These are signs of envy and should not be ignored.
- How do you feel when you're around him? If you're anxious or afraid you might disappoint him, or you simply fear he could hurt you, then get out.
- Take a look at his past relationships. Is there any indication that there may have been violence? If there's a way to speak to an ex of his then go for it.
- Be aware of the classic cycle of abuse: outburst followed by the honeymoon or make-up phase where he begs for forgiveness and promises to change, only to then face the next blowup.
Related: "How Do I Stop Blaming My Boyfriend For Issues Related To My Ex?" Alpert_5264final.flatJonathan Alpert is a Manhattan psychotherapist and author. He appears on national TV commenting on sex and relationship issues as well as lifestyle, mental health, and hot-button issues. Get more of Jonathan's great advice in his new book, Be Fearless: Change Your Life in 28 Days, on sale April 24th wherever books are sold. Follow Jonathan on Twitter at @JonathanAlpert and on Facebook at facebook.com/jonathanalpert, and visit his website at www.JonathanAlpert.com.