One day I went to the bar and had a few drinks. I was there, oh I'd say probably five hours, and I was looking to get laid. I was 22 at the time and I hadn't had very many women, so I was lacking some experience. I looked at my watch, it was about midnight, and I was getting ready to leave when this sexy, redhead staggered through the door. She was tall, and thin, and had a nice set of smaller, perky breasts on her, she plopped down on the bar stool next to me and lit a cigarette. I asked her what she was drinking. "Anything you're buyin' baby." she replied. So I bought her a Long Island Ice tea, and another for myself.
We talked for about an hour, hitting it off pretty good. While we talked, I noticed she wasn't wearing a bra and every once and a while when she leaned forward, I could see her nipple when I looked down her shirt.
After the bartender kicked us out, we decided to go back to her place. She only lived a few blocks down the street, so we staggered all the way there. It had started to rain, and by the time we got there we both looked like a couple of drowned rats, excuse me, a couple of drowned DRUNK rats. We entered her apartment which was kinda dumpy. s--- was strewn everywhere, it looked like she hadn't cleaned the place in weeks. The kitchen sink was full of dirty dishes and there were some empty cans of beans sitting on the counter, next to a paper plate with some old, crusty chicken bones. As drunk as I was, that just stuck in my mind for whatever reason.
She pulled out a half a bottle of Jack Daniels from underneath her sofa bed and offered me a drink. As we drank the bottle dry, she asked me if I was interested in doing 69. "Sure." I said, not knowing what it was. She explained it to me and I was juiced.
We stripped off all our clothes and we took our positions on the sofa bed. It was hard to concentrate. Should I focus on her sucking my dick, or focus on licking her clit, I was confused, but maybe that was the alcohol. She had a great looking p----. Nicely shaved, with a little red mohawk perfectly shaped.
After about, I guess, three minutes or so, she farted. It wasn't the smell so much, but the noise, I wasn't expecting it, and it kinda freaked me out. I'm not even sure she knew she did it, she just kept sucking my dick. I chalked it up to a mistake, and went back to eating her, sliding my tongue between her lips. Suddenly, she farted again. I raised my head from between her legs, arched my back, and looked at her, again, she was busy massaging my balls and stroking my shaft as she sucked the head. I wondered to myself, "How does she not know she just farted - twice?" I don't care how drunk you are, you still know you fart unless your a---- goes numb. Thank Christ I didn't stick my tongue there, she might have blown it off.
I decided that since she was having such a good time with my dick, I'd try one more time, so I layed back down on top her, put my hands under her thighs, and stuck my tongue into her p---- as far as I could. A few minutes passed and I was starting to enjoy the whole experience, when wouldn't you know it, she farted again. Well, that was it for me. I got up from the sofa and put my clothes on as fast as I could. I staggered to the door and opened it when she called out to me.
"What's the matter?" she asked. "Where are you going?"
"Sorry sweetheart," I replied. "But I can't take 66 more of those." And I slammed the door behind me.