man in bedBeing in a relationship is hard. It really, really is. You don't just fall in love and it's sexy-time music and candles all the time. Love takes work. Blood, sweat, and tears kind of work. It's time consuming and needy -- and chances are good that your partner has thought about breaking up with you several hundred thousand times because you committed one of the very serious and deadly relationship sins.
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Everyone is guilty of slipping up. Maybe you had bad breath the last time you got it on and your partner being a good sport forgot all about it once your clothes came off. But there are other relationship infractions that, if done too many times, can end up being a total deal-breaker leaving you with a broken heart and a stockpile of breath mints no one will reap the benefits of. I've made it easy for you though ... just don't commit these sins. And if you are, stop.
1. You stopped shaving. After the initial oh my gosh he loves me! and then the oh my gosh we're married! excitement wears off, something strange happens to our razor. It's like it hides in the shower or something. Sometimes we go "just one more day" letting the hair on our legs, maybe even our armpits, grow. Most men find this repulsive. And I have to admit, I love "forgetting" to shave, but when I do remember and then I put lotion on my legs, I kind of turn myself on. I can only imagine what it does to my guy.
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2. You stopped dressing like a whore. If men were to dress us, they probably wouldn't choose yoga pants and an over-sized shirt. They like short, tight, and sexy. Surely you must remember those super sassy clothes you wore to woo him -- they got shoved to the back of the closet. Guess what? He wants to see the slutty you every now and then, too! All you need to do is get a little whorish under your clothes. Yep, time to shop for super sexy panties. Or just dig out the ones you haven't worn in forever out of your drawer and wear them. After a shave.
3. You became too close with his mother. If your man has a mother you get along well with, that's super-duper. But don't get too close. It kind of has the opposite effect of Viagra because no good man wants to have sex with his mom ... or her crony.
4. You started over-sharing your toilet horror stories. Maybe you pee with the door open. Perhaps you even poo with your man in the room. That's fine (if that works for you) but draw the line at explaining the details of the diarrhea after you had extra spicy burritos for lunch. See? No one wants to know about that.
5. You only tell your friends the bad things he does. You bitch and complain about your man to your friends. What a jerk! Loser! He's a poop-face! may be some of the things your friends say about your guy over the little annoyances you share. But if you only tell them the bad stuff, then they think he's a bad dude. Which strains their relationship with him, and also your relationship with your friends who all think your man is a dillweed who doesn't deserve you. Plus, if you're always looking at the negative stuff, it can ruin your relationship, too.
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6. You stopped eating dinner together. This isn't always possible. But when you can, shop, prepare, and eat a home-cooked meal together. It's one of those couple-y things and much better than mumbling "dinner's in the fridge" when the other one gets home. If you're always eating dinner solo, you may just start having your orgasms solo, too.
7. You let the Internet come between you. I think the "other woman" or the "other man" has been replaced by our gadgets -- your phone, your computer, even the DVR. How many times have you sat on the couch with your honey and didn't say a word to each other because you are both on your phones reading Facebook updates or re-tweeting a meme? Your fingers should instead be exploring each other's gadgets ... if you get what I mean.
How many of these deadly relationship sins have you committed?
Image via Florin Gorgan/Flickr
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