What's true and what's not when it comes to sex? Read on!
- Amber Madison, BettyConfidential.comWhen it comes to sex, we let ourselves believe all sorts of things ("It's not like he's a stranger, we don't need a condom." "You're right, honey, you do have the biggest dick in the country.") But many of our assumptions turn out to be completely false. Here are the 8 biggest sex myths - debunked:
1. You should get off every time. Sure orgasms are great. But it's OK not to have one every time, and it doesn't mean you're having bad sex. New York-based sex therapist Dr. Joy Davidson, author of the book Fearless Sex, believes sex that's focused around orgasms is "goal-oriented sex, not mindful sex. When the sole focus is getting off," she says, "it's basically focusing on getting it over with." It's not about the destination, ladies, it's about the journey. As long as sex is pleasurable, it's OK if he doesn't see your O face every time.
2. We're sleeping together; he shouldn't be jerking off to porn. Masturbation is part of a healthy sex life, even a sex life that's seeing lots of action. It's important to understand that a guy often needs a visual element to help him, which means porn may be part of his life too, even if he's completely into you. "Masturbation is about zoning out, self-soothing or relaxing before going to bed," says Dr. Davidson. "When he watches porn, it's not about love, and it's not even about being attracted to someone else." Watching sex is a turn-on that allows him to get the job done quicker. Just because he watches porn doesn't mean he likes the idea of having sex with other women or that he isn't satisfied with you.
3. I won't get an STD if I have sex with someone I know. The logic works so well at the time: "I know him. He's cute. I like him. There's no way he has an STD." But consider the fact that more than half of all people contract an STD in their lifetime - and those people aren't hiding away from the rest of society. The truth is, the kind of people who have STDs are the kind of people who know other people… possibly even you. Guys (and girls) of all types, races and income brackets can have an STD. Just because you know him doesn't make it safe to have sex without a condom.
4. Men have a greater sex drive than women. Generally speaking, guys between the ages of 17 and 25 are juiced up on testosterone and have pretty impressive sex drives. "But when you're talking about all men," says Dr. Davidson, "the difference in sex drives between individuals is much greater than the difference in sex drives between sexes." Bottom line: On the whole, guys don't want sex any more than women do. That said, if your sex drive is higher than your man's, it's nothing to be worried about.
5. Bigger is better. All guys want to be well-endowed because all girls want big dicks. Right? Wrong. Well, the second part of that statement is wrong anyway. According to New York-based psychotherapist Jonathan Alpert, author of the "No More Drama" column in the Boston, New York, and Philadelphia editions of Metro, bigger is by no means better. As he explains, "Countless female clients of mine have told me how much pain they're in due to their partner's big penis hitting their cervix." This doesn't mean you should hope to find a baby carrot-sized penis under those True Religion jeans, but finding one that's the size of a baby's arm isn't necessarily any better - and might even be worse - than an average-sized penis.
6. I won't get pregnant if he pulls out. A great person once said, "Sex is like basketball; you dribble before you shoot." Even if a guy successfully pulls out, it's very likely that he's already left behind some sperm in his pre-cum that can get you pregnant. That said, if it's pull out or nothing, please, pull out! But keep in mind that it only makes pregnancy less likely, not by any means impossible.
7. Spitting is safer than swallowing. We all know you can get an STD from giving a BJ. But what many don't know is that whether you spit or swallow, your risk of contracting an STD is going to be just as high. Once semen is in your mouth, the damage is done. There's only one way to have safer oral sex: you have to use a condom.
8. Blue balls is a life-threatening condition for men. The important thing to know about blue balls is that it only happens when a guy is literally about to get off and then doesn't. So unless he was about to cum in his pants, he won't get blue balls from you making out with him, dry-humping or even feeling around down there and then not going all the way. The other thing to know is that even if a guy does get them, the pain goes away as soon as he ejaculates. So there's no need to be overly concerned with blue balls when the cure lies right in the victim's hands…or on pornhub.com.
BettyConfidential's Sexpert Amber Madison is a sex educator and author of Hooking Up: A Girl's All-Out Guide to Sex and Sexuality, and Talking Sex With Your Kids, to be released this March.To read more from BettyConfidential: