Using condoms for safe sex is no laughing matter—but these condom quotes are worth a laugh.In honor of April being STD Awareness Month, we thought to bring a humorous take to the conversation about condoms. Not to make light of the importance of using them-nothing will ruin your year like an STD, people-but simply to provide some laughs.
Without further do, the funniest condom quotes from film, TV and pop culture that we could scour the web to find:
"Condoms should be marketed in 3 sizes-jumbo, colossal, and super colossal, so that men do not have to go in and ask for the small." -Barbara Seaman, women's health activist and journalist.
"Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus." -Bob Rubin, comedian and actor
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?" -Phyllis Diller, actress and comedienne
"Emma is a product of a bottle of Merlot and a five year old condom." -Monica (Courteney Cox) to Chandler (Matthew Perry) on Friends, in reference to Ross and Rachel's daughter, who was conceived during a one-night stand they had after breaking up. (Note: Always be sure to store your condoms in a cool, dry place-do not to use them if they are expired!)
"Drive carefully. And don't forget to fasten your condom! …Seatbelt, I mean seatbelt." -George Banks (Steve Martin), in Father of The Bride, to his daughter Annie (Kimberly Williams-Paisley) as she leaves with her fiance (George Newbern)
"A condom is the glass slipper of our generation. You slip one on when you meet a stranger. You dance all night, and then you throw it away. The condom, I mean, not the stranger." -Marla Singer (Helena Bonham-Carter) in Fight Club Related: 7 Sex Positions Men Love
"I figure I'm in love with someone when I wear a condom with the other girls, ok?" -Fellow baseball player's (classy) response to Matty (Owen Wilson) in How Do You Know when he asks: how do you know when you are in love?
And the following exchange from The Hangover:
Alan Garner (Zach Galifianakis): What is this, a snakeskin? (Alan holds up a condom)
Stu Price (Ed Helms): Oh, come on! (Alan throws it on Stu)
Stu Price: Ew!
Phil Wenneck (Bradley Cooper): That's a used condom, Alan.
Got questions about condoms? Check out 5 Things Everyone Should Know About Condoms for a refresher course on how to store them (hint: your wallet is not a good long-term solution, but great in the short-term!), what kind of lubricants are safe to use with them, and more.
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