8 Things to Know Before Dating a Single Mom

8 things to know before dating a single momSo there I was, minding my own business, slowly but surely becoming "that guy" who bounced from one dysfunctional six-month relationship to the next, when I re-met a girl I'd gone to high school with. But not just any girl-a special girl whom I'd always found extremely attractive in so many different ways. I'm speaking, of course, of Caroline.

No problem, right? I mean, "that guy" has been there before, so just dust off a bit of charm and see what happens, right?

Wrong. Because Caroline was a single mom. And given my train-wreck-laden track record in the romance department, I knew I needed a different approach, especially considering there was a little girl involved. One who'd suffered the permanent scar that comes with a broken home.

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Nearly a decade later, I'm still sometimes shocked that it all worked out. But it did, and I think one reason is the approach I wound up taking. I'm not saying it's the right approach for everyone in such a situation, but I am saying that it worked for us. And it started before we ever even went out on a single date. Here's are 8 things to know before dating a single mother:

Consider the Situation1. Consider the Situation
This might sound elementary, but before you can even begin to forge a relationship with a single mom, you must first give real and careful thought to what it means to be one. If you're looking for a girl who just wants to have fun, I suggest you ring Cindy Lauper. Because being a single mom is far from a carefree situation. Too many people don't appreciate the level of sacrifice that comes with being a single mom. A perspective suitor cannot afford to be one of those people.

Commit to the Concept2. Commit to the Concept
Once I'd carefully considered and embraced Caroline's situation, it was time for me to commit to the concept. Not to Caroline, but to the concept. This was no easy task for me. I'd dated a couple of single moms before Caroline, but I knew those relationships would never go anywhere because I just couldn't envision myself as a stepdad. But by the time I met Caroline, such a concept didn't seem so farfetched to me, which was a good thing. Because one rule of thumb that I think everyone in my shoes should know is this: if you can't commit to the concept, do everyone a favor and move on along.







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Go Slow3. Go Slow
Which is exactly why I figured I had to go slow. Because it wasn't about me. So, instead of asking Caroline out on a romantic date, I told her (and I quote) "I've decided we should be friends." I know. Lame. But gimme a break. I was doing my best. Plus, it worked. We became…friends. Coming on all hot and heavy to a single mom doesn't make sense for anyone. Especially the child.












Say Hello to the Pink Elephant4. Say Hello to the Pink Elephant
A divorce is like a death which means that Caroline was in mourning when we first became friends. And what kind of friend would I have been if I didn't offer her an outlet for her grief? So we spent a lot of time talking about her divorce - a subject that many might be tempted to try and avoid. But they'd be making a great mistake. For it was through those soulful conversations that Caroline and I first discovered how well we communicate. In fact, Caroline contends that was a big reason why she ended up falling for me. Well, that and the fact that I'm super-hot.

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Date the Child5. Date the Child
Even after Caroline and I realized we had romantic feelings for each other, we still kept things platonic in front of her daughter. But "friends" still do stuff together, right? Which meant that I spent almost as much time with Alli as I did with Caroline. And before I knew it, I'd fallen in love twice.









Expect the Butterflies6. Expect the Butterflies
Knowing you want to propose is one thing. Proposing is something else entirely. And during the time in between, I was besieged by butterflies, even self doubt. Can I really do this? I'd wonder. Perfectly normal. I'd be worried about someone who didn't get a little freaked out by the prospect of marrying a single mom and becoming a stepdad.





Related: 7 things I wish I knew about men before I got married




Just Do It7. Just Do It
Which is why you just gotta do it. Propose, that is. Since the entire relationship had been about so much more than just Caroline and me, I decided to get the Little Governor in on popping the question. She was right beside me when her mom said yes. It's the very first page of the story that is our family.





Marry them all8. Marry Them All
On the day we tied the knot, Caroline wasn't the only person to whom I'd made a lifelong commitment. When you marry a single mom, you marry her children, too. That day belonged just as much to Alli as it did to us.










- By John Cave Osborne

For 4 more tips for dating a single mom, visit Babble!

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John Cave OsborneJohn Cave Osborne is a freelance writer whose work has appeared on such sites as Babble, TLC, YahooShine and the Huffington Post. John went from carefree bachelor to father of four in just 13 months thanks to marrying a single mom then quickly conceiving triplets. He chronicled the experience in his 2010 memoir Tales from the Trips. He and his wife, Caroline, are expecting their fifth child, Grande Finale Osborne, this July.

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