by Anne Sachs, Glamour
courtesy of Showtime You wouldn't think a show about protecting our nation from terrorist attacks would have all that much to offer in the way of dating tips. But you'd be wrong.
Here, a list of eight bits of relationship advice I picked up from last night's Homeland episode.
1. If your ex catches you stalking him, pretend that A) it's a total coincidence and B) you're smugly satisfied with how very over him you are. Then walk away. Now in Carrie's case, you'll want to follow up with making your ex super twitchy about why you're back in the FBI and what that means for him. But Carrie's in a rather unusual breakup situation. Not all of our exes are national security threats, so…
2. Unleash your protective streak. It can be hot. If you happen to notice your guy's dad is a hypercritical jerk who crushes your beloved's self-esteem at every turn, shell him with a well-placed verbal lashing. Take, for example, Dana's quick repartee with the Veep. When he accuses Dana's crush/his son of being slacker who aims as high as a "Gentleman's C" in high school, Dana responds, "Gentlemen's C's don't get you there anymore. Not like they did in your day. " HA. Point Dana.
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3. We've actually made this suggestion once before; consider taking your date someplace famous to make out. Apparently, the Washington Monument at night is quite an aphrodisiac.
4. Wondering if your crush really likes you, or is just in it for the thrill of the chase? Call him the next time you're in a bind and see how he responds. Does he help you out, no matter how complicated the challenge? After leaving four unreturned messages for her husband, Jessica gives up on Brody and calls the guy she still totally wants, Brody's best friend Mike, to help her remove the drunk guy from her kitchen table. And Mike delivers. The lesson here? If the guy takes four hours to call you back, he's not the 'there for you' type. If, however he shows up in his hot uniform to escort disorderly drunk guys out of your kitchen, he's probably a keeper.
5. If you can't trust your gut, ask for help. Let's say you have a lousy track record with guys. Let's say you always seem to make the wrong decision when it comes to picking the right guy for you. Maybe it's time to hear an outside perspective from a girlfriend who has maneuvered her way through a similar dating minefield. Yes, in this case, Carrie's 'girlfriend' is the guy who usurped her position on her field mission, but he does seem to give good flirting advice.
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6. If it's not a booty call, say it upfront. Love Brody or hate him, you have to appreciate his direct approach (for once). No sooner has Carrie taken her first sip of her drink, Brody announces 'this is not a booty call." Good to know! Sorry I shaved!
7. If you don't know what to say, make really unsexy things sound a little flirty and if you can, make everything sound like a double-entendre. If you're in DC, flirt vaguely about CIA persons of interest.
8. Know that no matter how badly you wish a relationship would work out, sometimes, it's just bad timing. And you can't change bad timing. Yes, Carrie loved Brody. And, Brody seemed to at least like Carrie. But as Carrie points out, Brody's a war criminal who tried to (literally) drive Carrie insane, plus Carrie's in the FBI, so this is probably not going to go anywhere. Timing is everything, you guys.
OK, dating lessons aside, did anyone else watch last night? And what do you think is going to happen next?
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by Anne Sachs, Glamour