Ways to Awaken Bridezilla
What's not to love about weddings? For the price of a gift, you get to enjoy a delicious meal, quality entertainment, and, if the wedding is any good at all, free alcohol. Being a guest at one requires relatively little effort, so it's easy to forget that the bride has spent hours agonizing over every last detail to ensure the celebration goes smoothly, and that, in all likelihood, she was ripping her hair out and having an emotional Bridezilla-style breakdown right before. One of the best things you can do as a guest is be on your best behavior, so help the bride keep her sanity and don't do any of these things.
1. RSVP Late, or Not at All
Okay, so you're a procrastinator. That's cool, but only when it affects you. There's no better way to annoy the bride than being lackadaisical about sending back your RSVP card. Your yes or no impacts the seating chart, overall cost, and amount of food served, so the bride needs it right away. When each plate costs $80 or more, that missing family of four costs a fortune (and will definitely be noticed).
2. Mess with the Seating Chart
Creating the seating chart is not just a task on the bride's to-do list; it is a complicated art. Figuring out how to circumvent those awkward family feuds is a challenge, but avoiding a major catfight mid-dinner between an uber-conservative friend and a hippie cousin is crucial. Trying to find that perfect middle ground can take hours and hours of deep thought, and even then, there will likely be several high-risk tables full of randoms that hopefully get along. Once the seating chart is finally done, it's done. If the bride decides to sit you next to someone you hate, don't be high maintenance and ask to swap with someone else.
3. Invite Another Person
Well before the wedding, the bride scoured her list of family and friends, and she painfully narrowed it down to those who were important enough to be there. Apparently, you were lucky enough to make the list, but your boyfriend/girlfriend or BFF was not. Unless you're given a plus one, don't bring someone. Not only is it rude (so, so rude), but they also won't have a chair or anything to eat, and you can say goodbye to your friendship with the bride or groom. How's that for fun?
4. Complain About Something
Not all weddings are created equal, so there is bound to be something that you don't think is picture-perfect. Maybe you prefer beef over chicken, or wish the DJ played better songs. Or maybe you just don't think the flowers go well together or feel the bridesmaids' dresses are ugly. Well, guess what? As corny as it sounds, this is her day, and however weird her taste might be, this is what she wanted. You can choose red over blue for your wedding, but vocalizing your personal preference will get you on the fast track to an embarrassing public beat down.
5. Dine and Ditch
Even if you aren't really close to the bride and groom, stuffing your face and then immediately dashing for the exit is just tactless. We all understand what it's like to have a busy schedule, but if you can only stay for thirty minutes--and that thirty minutes happens to be dinnertime--decline the invitation. And don't think that you can sneak out without the busy bride and groom noticing; they will notice, and they'll be bitter about it for years. After all, to them, this wedding is not just a free meal!
For three more ways to anger the bride, visit DivineCaroline.
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