If he drinks local organic microbrew that tastes like Coors Light, you might be dating an hipster.
By Dave K. For HowAboutWe
So I'm sure your new boyfriend is really nice and all, but he might be a hipster. Or not - it can be hard to tell. "Hipster" has become such a broad, general term that most people aren't really sure how to define it anymore.
Luckily for you, I've developed a handy questionnaire to help you determine whether or not you're dating a hipster. Give yourself one point for each A answer, two points for B, three for C, and four for D.
1. What is he wearing right now?
a. Khakis and a polo shirt
b. Jeans and a t-shirt
c. Skinny jeans and thrift store t-shirt
d. Above-the-knee denim cut-offs and a thrift store t-shirt he said he hated three days ago
2. Is he in a band?
b. Yes, he plays drums.
c. Yes, he plays guitar.
d. No, he's over music.
3. What does he use social media for, primarily?
a. Keeping up with his family and friends
b. Sharing his interests/causes with people who share his views
c. Reposting viral memes that aren't funny but still take over the Internet for weeks at a time
d. Reposting whatever lands on George Takei's Facebook wall
4. What does he drink?
a. Coors Light
b. Nothing - he's straight edge
c. Pabst Blue Ribbon
d. Local organic microbrew that tastes like Coors Light
5. What music does he like?
a. Bon Jovi
b. Black Flag
c. Lady Gaga
6. How long is his justification for #5?
a. Less than a minute
b. About a minute
c. Five minutes
d. I don't know, my stopwatch only counts up so high
7. Describe his most prominent tattoo.
a. He doesn't have any
b. A quote or image with deep personal significance to him
c. Some horrible tribal thing he got when he was 18
d. A portrait of a D-list celebrity from the 1980s or earlier
8. Ask him if he's a hipster. How does he respond?
a. "A little bit, maybe. I like some hipstery stuff."
b. "Nah, not really."
c. "No, why would you ask that?"
d. No response - he's still justifying #5.
8-24 points: Not a hipster. In fact, your boyfriend is the pinnacle of middle-class American averageness. I hope you like football and Adam Sandler comedies.
25-61 points: Kind of a hipster. You're probably hiding his iPod right now so you can plug yours into the house speakers and listen to bands you've actually heard of before.
62-80 points: Hipster. Be nice when his possibly-ironic mustache starts growing in, but don't let him get too carried away.