by QuickieChick Laurel House
Engagement RingWhat makes you the marrying kind? What compels a man to choose you over everyone else, to kneel down at your feet on one knee and ask you to be his wife?
Being the "Marrying Kind" is a complex dance, a balancing act, a study of opposites. Still, there are 8 main elements that make for wife material… and all 8 have been perfectly exemplified in this season of "The Bachelor"…:
Guys want to feel like they won the prize, like they are dating the head of the cheer-leading team. They want to feel like they are the luckiest guy in the room. If you have a bummer, insecure, self-deprecating, "I'm not so great" attitude, why would he feel like he scored? Be confident. That doesn't mean cocky, rude, arrogant, egotistical, or self-involved. That means self-assured, capable, believing in yourself and your abilities- whatever those abilities are.
Can you stand tall when he experiences moments of weakness? Or will you wither and collapse without having his strength? Can you take care of business and hold your own if need be? That strength takes some of the pressure off him, and allows him to want to be strong for you, as opposed to making him feel like he has to be strong for you.
Exposing your weaknesses maybe seem to be the opposite of strength, but it's just as important (and even sexy). Showing your fragility, your pain points, your insecurities and even revealing things that you have done that you are not proud of or regret… now that takes confidence. It can also shine a light even brighter on your strengths. How? If he knows that you have certain fears, and then he watches you tackle them anyway- even if you fail, that shows strength and determination, it shows your will. Letting him in on your vulnerabilities also shows him that you need him, that you can't always fend for yourself, that you want him to take care of you. And guys love that. They love to feel wanted, more than that- they love to feel needed. It gives them a sense of purpose and duty.
You also need to show him that he makes you feel vulnerable- in a good way… the best way- because your heart is open. Show him how much you love him. Tell him how crazy you are about him. Let him know that you have never felt this way before. Your emotional vulnerability makes him feel more confident about your feelings for him, and therefore more confident that you won't turn him down or leave him.
"THE BACHELOR" EXAMPLE: Sean needed every girl to tell him "I love you," even though he couldn't say it back. It was her way of showing him how serious she is and how in deep she is for him. If she can't say it, if she can't go there- exposing her heart… she's out.
Still, again, it's a balance. There are some things that you shouldn't reveal… Watch: "Why Hating Your Body is Destroying Your Sex Life"…
You can be vulnerable, and show him that you need him, but you also can take care of him. No matter how strong, independent and masculine he is, all men love to be nurtured, taken care of, and even babied at times. Showing him that you can be a nurturer lets him know that he can put his guard down and that it's ok and safe to need you. And then you've got him… When a guy exposes weakness, when he lets you in to see his vulnerable side, that's where the power lies. And I'm not saying that in a way that's game playing or manipulative. This isn't to take advantage. This is to get in and stay in. It's to create a feeling and a place of safety with you.
WATCH: This Video Could Save Your Marriage... Literally.
You've got to be able to be silly together. Life and work can be so stressful! Your partner is the one person who you can let your guard down around. At home or out, when no one else is watching, that's when it's safe to do ridiculous dances, speak in strange voices, just be you- not the "appropriate," contrived, careful-what-you-say-and-do side that you exhibit in the office or even around friends. Don't be afraid to let go, let loose, get out of your box, dance in the rain, even eat bugs in Thailand (like Lindsay did on "The Bachelor") and have simple silly fun!
"THE BACHELOR" EXAMPLE: You have to balance the fun with depth. On "The Bachelor," Sean feared that Lindsay, who entered the show wearing a wedding dress, at first appeared as the too happy-go-lucky type who lacked emotional depth. He soon learned that she had a lot of complexity beneath her free spirit. But she was close to be off'ed because she initially lacked the balance.
Along the same lines as having fun, but even more basic- laugh out loud, and a lot! Laughter isn't just medicine, it's a stress reliever and an emotional connector. It creates levity and breeds light and life! Don't always take yourself (or him) so seriously. Guys want to feel funny (yes, even the seemingly serious types like to know they can tell a good joke). And when you laugh, make it authentic and don't hold back. Forget the polite little giggle. Let it out! Sometimes you have to put yourself in the headspace to laugh, telling yourself to take it easy, get out of that serious mode and allow your mood to lighten.
"THE BACHELOR" EXAMPLE: Despite the fact that AshLee seemingly was "everything that I was looking for" and the best for him "on paper," it was her too intense energy that ultimately turned Sean off. What did he mean? They didn't laugh as much as he did with Catherine and Lindsay.
7. Happy / Make Him Feel Good!
At the end of the day, a guy wants to feel good. He wants to be happy, to laugh, to have fun- yes, but more than that, he wants to be content. He wants to be able to sit next to you watching TV, or lay there with you at night, and just be… be happy. He wants to feel enlivened by your smile, refueled by your belief in him, and at peace in your presence. He wants to feel smart, funny, strong, needed, important, successful, and hot! He wants you to be proud of him. He wants to feel like he is the most important thing in the world, the center of your universe (just like his mom made him feel). And you, more than anyone else, have the ability to make him feel that way.
"THE BACHELOR" EXAMPLE: Catherine and her many many compliments to Sean of how much of a "hunk" he is.
Just as he wants you to be proud of him, he wants to be proud of you. You aren't his dirty little secret, his momentary hook-up, his friend, or even just his girlfriend. You are his choice- the best he can do. And he wants to feel proud of you. Whether it's your looks, brain, triumphs, the respect you garner, your career, or simply how you push yourself through pain points and get out of box, he wants to feel like he can show you off…. Someone he can "bring home to mom."
Oh… and someone who he has insane sexual chemistry with is essential too. Yes- "a lady on the streets and a freak in the sheets!"
Laurel HouseLaurel House is a LifeStylist, Dating and Relationship Expert, 4x published Lifestyle Author, and nationally recognized Print and Online Magazine Writer covering travel, relationships, healthy food and fitness (New You, Women's Health, First for Women, Men's Journal, Yahoo! Shine, Elegant Bride, Fit, Spa, Fit Yoga, Playboy, etc). Beyond writing, she has appeared as an expert on television morning shows including E! News, Weekend TODAY, The Daily Buzz, Better.TV, Good DayLA, CBS, Fox, NBC, and ABC Morning News shows both locally and nationally, and her YouTube videos have received over 9 million views. Her 4th book "QuickieChick's Cheat Sheet to Life, Love, Food, Fitness, Fashion and Finance on a Less than Fabulous Budget" was published by St. Martin's in May 2012. She is also hired to give personalized dating and relationship advice at ScrewingTheRules.com