A user asks: Is confidence a curse for women?

I have been told at least a dozen times that I intimidate men because I am a strong, confident woman.

If I had not heard that as many times as I have I would dismiss it as silliness. I don't see myself as significantly more confident than most women I know. I'm not entirely sure what these men see in me that they say that. But the fact remains I have heard this exact thing from so many different men that I have to accept there is some truth in it.

"You are a super-confident woman and most men can't handle super-confident women."

That quote came from a very confident man that I know, who also has great instincts, after he interrogated me about my love life and why I am single. He was baffled by the fact that I have been single for ten years, when he sees me as very attractive and intelligent, and that was his conclusion.

Why can't men handle confident women? Is it that men feel threatened by strong women, and if that is the case, how so? I may be comfortable in my own skin, and comfortable with my intelligence, but I am still a woman and want the same things from a man that many women want. Love, affection, friendship, support, help.

And are men happier with women who are, or at least appear to be, somewhat less confident?

I will admit that it ticks me off at the entire male population every time I hear that comment. Surely there are men out there who are not intimidated by confident women, but I have had difficulty finding them.

I would really love to hear your thoughts on this topic, and I would especially appreciate hearing from the men out there. Why are men hesitant to ask out/get to know/date confident women? Is it true that "most men can't handle super-confident women"? And maybe most importantly, where are the confident men who aren't intimidated by strong women hiding?


Clare is, apparently, a "super confident" single working mom to a fabulous twelve-year-old daughter, and a Shine Parenting Guru. When she isn't parenting, working, or terrifying men she sometimes likes to write for Yahoo!. Read more from her at Life on the C Train.


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