A few weeks ago I went to dinner with a friend. We are both single and both desiring more but not with each other. I suggested internet dating. He said the ultimate worst thing, "I'm not that desperate."
I cringed-on the inside and the outside.
At the moment I am not online. I have been giving myself a bit of time to heal and get brave again. However, I may be back there soon enough. And I ain't desperate.
I said that out loud, "Hey, I internet date. I'm not desperate. I'm just actively seeking what I very much want."
He rolls his eyes and goes on to tell me how his ex wife also internet dated all over the place, constantly meeting men etc. I had to point out to him how his ex wife actually met the man of her dreams doing this and married him last year.
"Well, I'm just not that desperate yet. And there are a bunch of strange people on there anyway."
Trying to explain to someone that it is not a desperate act to date in a different way is baffling. Trying to tell him it is a way to meet people who are also trying to meet people. It is still all left to chance but at least you know this person on the other end of the computer is also looking for someone or something. Yes, there is the chance of meeting loonys or serial killers or horrible people. There is also the chance of meeting someone like me. Not to say I am perfectly normal, I am merely utterly human.
"I'll just let it happen naturally and meet someone in a bar, like you did a few weeks ago."
That was a fluke. Really. That is not the norm for me in the least. I happened to force myself out to a party for my brother in law knowing I would be the seventeenth wheel among a mass of couples. I met the only other person at the bar we had hopped to who had only had one drink. That is a fluke in itself. We sat on the edge of the partygoers and talked for an hour, exchanged numbers and have been on a few dates. It may or may not work out. It doesn't mean I will start cruising the bars trying to pick up men if it doesn't. Most likely, I will just go back online. Not in desperation-but with hope.
I am not saying it is the best way to meet people, only that it is a way to meet people-all kinds of people. People who might be desperate and mostly those who are not and who are just hopeful too.
Last night, I attempted to be his wingwoman while we went out for a drink. Watching him panic as he tried to get the courage up to speak to a woman he found attractive was quite enlightening. ( I really saw the other side of the coin, dear men, and I do not envy that position in the least.) He let the moment pass as he never quite found the right moment to speak to her. It made me think about how many moments we let pass waiting for the right one to appear.
While he walked me to my apartment I said, "You know what? If you were dating online you wouldn't have to wait for the right time. You would see a woman you thought was pretty, read her profile, send an email and then wait for a response or no response. You wouldn't have to wonder if she was single, or looking or anything. Everyone there is there to meet someone. It might be easier."
He just shook his head.
It isn't desperate to actively seek your life in whatever way works for you. It is stepping out into the world and still living and hoping you find what you seek. You can't find the needle in the haystack if you don't bail any hay.
Monika M. BasileDark Hear of Desperation