Bachelor Recap: Week 2 is when We Find Out About the Luggage Room

This happened.
Last night I had the weirdest dream. I was watching "The Bachelor " but everyone was dressed for a renaissance faire.

Turns out that was just one of the three pre-teen dates producers arranged for Ben and his gaggle of girls.  You know how usually there's some bungee jumping, belaying and zip lining dates in the early stages of "The Bachelor"? Not with this guy. Apparently, Ben didn't sign the contract that says you might die on the show, so he spent the week in his hometown of Sonoma going to a candy shop, watching home movies, wearing a cotton diaper and bundling a dog.

Date one: Casey B.
I really hope he paid for her candy.
For his first date, Ben took the very adorable Casey on a tour of the candy shops and city halls of Sonoma. Soon the night evolved into the dinner hour of a Bar Mitzvah and the couple was treated to a montage of snapshots from their childhood, no doubt set to "Wind Beneath My Wings." (We can assume they couldn't get the rights to use it on the show). Ben got choked up about seeing his late dad on screen, and shortly thereafter he made-out with his date.

Hello, I'd like to date you. But first, this is me at 13.

Date 2: Half the state of California
The group date is already awkward so why not dress everyone up in costumes and have them perform for a bunch of judgmental kids? To be fair, these kids were pretty spot on.



Here we witnessed the worst outfit choice in bachelor history. Never wear a 1930s men's swimsuit when performing improv for kids- or ever.


After a little practice, the contestants had to stage a show the kids had written. They were all really nervous, because as one person said "this is like a real live theater." It wasn't. This season may be the lowest budget in bachelor history. No "Lion King" Broadway debuts here, just fruit punch and fold out chairs....

And a Chippendales strip show for kids.


After the women saw Ben with a giant cotton ball over his crotch, it was game on. Later that night, they all tried to make out with him in a body of water. Blakely, the VIP cocktail waitress (What? That's a totally legit job that doesn't involve keeping secrets for married politicians and athletes) stripped down to a training bikini and announced "it's grown-up time".
There's nothing more adult-rated than a game of London Bridge.
This move worked and VIP won herself a rose and the wrath of 10 women.

Date 3: Courtney, the Model
On the date with the model everyone got a lot of compliments. Ben was hot, Courtney was hot, the car seat was super-hot, the forest they strolled through was mind-bogglingly hot and Ben's dog was a straight-up stud. Later things got real, and Ben opened up about his out-of-control rock star past as an internet ad exec.
The story of Ben's rise and fall in 60 seconds:

Wait, you guys, there's a luggage room? Interesting.

It's Jenna. And it's not pretty.

There will be fireworks, tears, the arrival of an ex and someone over-reacting.